An Interview with Elmo and Ninja:

First off, good evening to you, Mr. Elmo and Ms. Ninja.

Elmo: There better be food this time, man.

Ninja: I hope this won't take long, I have...stuff...to do. Yeah. Stuff.

Me: No worries, it'll be pretty brief. First off, I'd like to ask the two of you who you're supporting in this years United States Presidential Election.

Elmo: zzzzzzzzzz

Me: Elmo, wake up, I asked you a question.

Elmo: Oh, what, the president thing? Uh, I dunno. Who would take me for a walk more?

Me: Probably Obama. Though McCain might have Palin walk you.

Elmo: Then I don't care. That one.

Me: It's funny you should put it like that...

Elmo: zzzzzzzz

Me: Alrighty then. Ninja?

Ninja: Look buddy, I don't know who put you up to this, but I'm a Nermal supporter all the way.

Me: Nermal? The kitten from Garfield?

Ninja: You better believe it. That girl would be this nation's best hope...

Me: Uh, Ninj...Nermal's a dude.

Ninja: Get out.

Me: No, really. Nermal is a boy kitten.

Ninja: But...girl voice?

Me: Yeah, I know.

Ninja: Way to crush my dreams, human.

Me: It's what I do. Okay, next question. How do each of you feel about the impending arrival of Erin?

Elmo: Nrnrnrnrnrnrrrrr

Me: Elmo, would you stop chewing on your foot for a minute to answer the question?

Elmo: But it iiiiiiiiiiiiitches!

Me: Come on, you little freakshow.

Elmo: FINE! ...what?

Me: ERIN!

Elmo: Oh, right...that's the thing in mommy's belly, right? Why you keep yelling at me to get down all the time?

Me: Yeah.

Elmo: Why does the stupid cat get to get up there?

Me: She doesn't weigh close to twenty pounds.

Elmo: Are you calling me fat? Hey, where's the food?

Me: This baby does effect you, you know. We're co-sleeping.

Elmo: We do that now.

Me: WITH THE BABY!

Elmo:...where will I sleep?

Me: You can stay on the bed, you just can't sleep up top because that's where the baby's cosleeper bed will be.

Elmo: This kid better take me for walks.

Me: Not for a few years, buddy.

Elmo: I got gypped in this deal...

Me: How about you Ninja? ...Ninja? Okay, damnit, where did you go?

Ninja: I'm up here, I told you I had stuff to do.

Me: Your stuff involves getting on top of the laundry sorter.

Ninja: A cat has to have her priorities.

Me: So, about Erin...

Ninja: What do I care, I'm still getting fed and having my litter box changed, right?

Me: Yeah...

Ninja: Then have 10 of those things, see if I care.

Me: You're a credit to your species.

Ninja: I know. Oh look, something over there is moving. Gotta pounce!

Me: I think we've lost Ninja. What do you think Elmo?

Elmo: Mommy, make Daddy stop asking questions and being all mean and stuff!

Me: Great, well, folks, looks like we lost our interviewees already. Sorry they weren't more forthcoming, but what can I say...it's a dog and a cat. This has been your host, Bart, saying Good Night, Good Morning and Good Day.