Your Elmo update

Attention, attention. Elmo can eat anything. Including his own foot.



He's really sorry about it, though.




In fact, he's so sorry, he wore himself out.



Of course, he pretty much sleeps all the time. Damn dog thinks he's a cat. In fact, notice how the cat is wide awake in the foreground?

Haiku time, it's haiku time!

Hey! You! SUV?
Why not just litter instead?
You'd save cash on gas

Who was buried in Grant's tomb?

Was there ever a better game to play with a group of friends back in "the day" than Trivial Pursuit? You could even team up if you had a lot of friends. Heck, you could even easily make special rules if the playing field wasn't level enough. Man, I miss playing game after game of Trivial Pursuit, proving that I was both the smartest and dumbest person alive (I once, infamously, shouted "IWO JIMA!" at a question. I don't even think the question was about WWII).

Now games are all needlessly interactive. Don't get me wrong, it's pretty damn cool, but I didn't need all the DVD stuff to keep me interested. That's all bells and whistles as far as I'm concerned. Just give me a wheel spoke looking board, round playing pieces, and a bunch of pie shaped wedges indicating how damn smart you are (or not, depending on how many you've earned) and I'm a happy camper. Hell, just sitting there with the question and answer cards and firing them off was totally cool in my book.

I totally loved the rule changes though. Pressed for time? Any correct answer would get you a pie piece. You rule and everyone else sucks? They get a pie piece anytime, you have to hit the spoke ends. Or they could pick any category they wanted on any pie piece try. Man, it was almost infinitely customizable. Especially since there are probably a trillion different subject sets of questions.

Not to mention the name was awesome. Double meaning FTW! (for the win for you ungeeky)

In other news, get in on the chain link goodness. Tell your friends to get in on the chain link goodness. Together, we can become internet gods. Well, maybe not internet gods, but we can make a dent.

Pull me under, I'm not afraid

So, in a shameless attempt to whore myself out to anybody and anyone, I've restructured my link system. You got a blog, or a similar type site, leave me a comment. You'll go in my Chain Links section (Chain links...get it?). Regular type links will remain as sausage links. Because they are fat, filler. woot? I link you, and you link me right back. Otherwise, no deal, because what kind of chain is that? A broken chain. And a broken chain is pretty useless. No uselessness around here, buddy.

Also, cheap plug for a buddy time. Go check out the comedic stylings of Big Ben Kennedy. He can be found at www.bigbenkennedy.com. Tell him I sent you, get absolutely nothing for free. Well, you might, he's a pretty nice guy. Definitely check this out. It's rather funny. LIVINALIE! PEYTON!

Remember to take E.T.'s advice, and Be Good, y'all.

The daily Haiku, special Oscar edition

Oscar for Marty?
Check sky for raining sulfur
Armageddon, nigh

Haiku of the Day

What's that James Cameron?
Bones of Christ, and the Marys?
Um, wow. Hrm. Okay.


Story at Aint It Cool News

Ads for Illiterate Programming? Nooooo!

So I look over at my Adsense panel and I see bad ads. Illiterate Programming ads. Ack, I've said the "real" term for them too much, and now they're advertising on my site. This must not continue. So, if you shall forgive me, I'm about to shamelessly try to skip the scales in some other direction.

Books Books Books Books Books Books Books Books Books Books Books Books Books Books Books Books Books Books Books Books Books Books Books Books Books Books Books Books Books Books

Playstation Playstation Playstation Playstation Playstation Playstation Playstation Playstation Playstation Playstation Playstation Playstation Playstation Playstation Playstation Playstation

Porn Porn Porn Porn Porn Porn Porn Porn Porn Porn Porn Porn Porn Porn Porn Porn Porn Porn Porn Porn Porn Porn Porn Porn Porn Porn Porn Porn Porn Porn Porn Porn Porn Porn Porn Porn

Sorry, had to do that one...just to see if anything will pop up, plus, I find that more more appealing to be advertised on my site than the other...

And now, for no good reason, Homer Simpson jumping.

Release this on DVD...yesterday!

Okay, I'm hardly alone here. Not by a looooong shot. So why isn't this movie on DVD yet. Let's make it happen people. It's a cinematic tour du force. It's got it all. And I can almost guarantee it will sell. What's this masterpiece you ask?
That's right, homeskillets. The Mama Jammin' Monster Squad. Wolfman's got nards, indeed. I want this DVD. I need this DVD. Someone make this DVD! I can buy TV shows, the complete series, of shit I've never heard of, but I can't get any love for Scary German Guy? And what about the eminent quotability. I've already mentioned "Wolfman's got nards!' but what about "She's a version..." or "My name...is HORACE." or "I'm in the goddamn club, aren't I?" or one that I haven't used in awhile, but still would if someone would steal my twinkie..."Creature stole my twinkie..."

I'm only half joking, my friends. It's not a great movie. But damn it all, I want this on DVD. I grew up with this movie. I need it.

And while we're at it...RAD, anyone? I'd like that available too. And not because it has a gymnast named Bart playing a BMXer named Bart. And not for that "dance scene" with "Send Me an Angel."

Meet George Jetson?

So, seriously, where are the flying cars?

I'm a bit disappointed that we've completely missed the boat on all the GOOD inventions from pop culture of yore, but we've completely surpassed the marks on others. Obviously, I pine for the flying car, because wow, there's a alleviation for gridlock. But let's look at some of the stuff they got right.

Cellphones. Ever watch the original Star Trek? Personal hand held wireless communication devices must have seen extremely out of reach back in the 60s. Speaking of Star Trek, our modern computers already surpassed theirs, as have interfaces. How about those awesome view screens they had...HD flat panel technology anyone?

So where is my freaking flying car. I WANT THE FLYING CAR.

I also wouldn't mind a personal robot maid, though with less sass than Rosie.



"The trouble with our times is that the future is not what it used to be." - Paul Valery

Haiku of the Day

DJ not very smart
Louder isn't always better
Your speakers are blown


Just as a note for everyone, when you hear this buzzy distortion coming out of your speakers at any volume, that means you're overloading them, or you've already blown them and they can't handle a volume well within its specs anymore.

Haiku of the Day

I have nothing to say
Pissed off that I have to work
Tonight 2 am

Haiku of the Day.

Elmo got jealous
He likes cheese, and we ate it
He ate a Q-Tip.


True story.

Meet Elmo.

This is Elmo.









He's a Jack Russell, which I know, is odd for a Jack Russell to be all white. And no, we didn't name him. We rescued him, and that's the name he was saddled with already. I could probably think of about a hundred names I'd like to name a pet before Elmo. However, he pretty much responds to anything as long as it ends in "o," so I play around with that. However, Elmo is actually a fairly appropriate name. He's cute, and kinda annoying. Though he doesn't laugh like a moron if you tickle him. I wanted you all to meet him, because I'm sure I'll be telling everyone his stupid antics every once in awhile.

The reason why he's all artistic and looking off to his left like that? Well, if you try to take a picture of him straight on, this happens:










He's like Earl Hickey. Incapable of keeping his eyes open for a picture. Well anyway, that's your introduction to Elmo. When has a stupidity attack, which is quite often, I'll give you guys the dirt.

In other news, Bill Gates is hopeful that we don't get too reliant on computers.

From Gawker: Tabloid Editor Lacks Mirror.

Really, it speaks for itself. It really really does. Really really.

Of course, I've never been much for letting things speak for itself. A diatribe is worth a thousand pictures, I've always said.

Okay, I've never said that until now, but how would that sound? I guess I know how it sounds now...anyway.

Seriously? Are you serious? Have you looked at your own magazine lately (for those who aren't link readers, it's US Weekly)? Your whole magazine is the dumbing down of media. See the title for how I think your whining is fundamentally retarded. As I'm fond of pointing out, you're part of the problem, not the solution. Start being the solution or zip it.

(Please don't. I'm a sucker for celebrity gossip, until it becomes overkill)

Haiku of the Day. Includes a promise I'm sure to break!

Britney - pathetic?
This story will never die
But I'm done with it

Britney back in rehab, and she had "good reason" to lop her hair off...

Haiku o' the Day.

I told you guys so
Enjoy killing your brain cells
On crappy "reality"

http://buzzsugar.com/143626

I have a confession.

I don't watch 24. Or Heroes. Or Lost.

Sue me. Never got in to them. Well, that's not quite true, I was kind of in to 24 the first season and part of the second.

I sort of get the appeal of Heroes and Lost, but I'm just not really interested in investing THAT much time in to a show. If I miss a show, I want to be able to figure out what I missed with little difficulty. This is the same reason my interest in The X-Files waned with each passing year.

It's great that shows are getting back to story telling (knowing my predilection towards hating reality TV), but these are more like really long mini-series broken in to multiple seasons. I know that makes little sense, but try and think about it before you just poo-poo the crappy (hehe) analogy. Can't we have more "old-fashioned" hour dramas? Like ER before all the good actors left and it became a shell of itself (which was what, 15 years ago?). Heck, even CSI doesn't indulge too much in the ongoing story lines. They'll have a recurring thing during a season, but you can miss an episode and the next episode that deals with it pretty much covers you with ease (for instance, this seasons Miniature Killer. I missed the episode where they found a suspect and he shot himself. I was lost for about two seconds when they came back to it).

Not that I want anybody to stop watching these shows. Please, for the love of Pete and Pete, don't. I'm simply throwing it out there why I can't get in to them. Because I've been asked.

I have another confession: I'd like to find every Nielsen family who watches American Idol, The Apprentice, etc and take a crow bar to the television set. You're part of the problem. If you people would stop thinking this is quality entertainment instead of pandering to the least common denominator (I'm waiting for when a reality TV star grabs the camera and screams "ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED??) maybe quality shows would stop getting the ax.

Haiku of the Day 2-19-07

Ice through windshields bad
Clean off your damn vehicles
Its not rocket science

Mencia must be stopped...no matter the cost...

Transformers the Movie (the cartoon one, not the Michael Bay movie sure to piss people off this summer) reference. Go me.

Anyway, I've just heard about this, though it's about a week old. Joe Rogan, defender of the poor victims of joke thievery throws down at the Comedy Store with Carlos Mencia, who Rogan likes to refer to as Men-steal-ia. For obvious reasons. Mencia is a hack, a joke thief. He's a showman who doesn't have the mind (go figure) to write his own shit. So Rogan makes it known. He calls him Men-steal-ia as he finishes a set. So what does Mencia, who happened to be there, do? Jumps on stage, grabs the mic and tries to smack talk Rogan down. Rogan then proceeds to OWN him. With the crowd clearly on Rogan's side, Mencia says the same shit over and over again, and Rogan makes him look downright silly. Rogan's been documenting this shit for years now, and he's finally got Mencia face to face, in public. Who do you think's gonna win?

But here's the weird thing...somehow, for some reason, it seems like Mencia has the upper hand. According to Rogan, he's been giving a time out of sorts from the Comedy Store. A video of the incident was removed from YouTube, who cited a "copyright claim" from Mencia, which is deliciously rich when you think about it. I guess he's somehow got more clout, though I can't imagine why.

Rogan has a great overall point...in the world of comedy, intellectual property rights aren't guarded as well as other industries. Most of the time it's because of the sheer number of comics vs. the amount of available material. So must comics don't get upset for the little stuff, because what's the point? However, this isn't just little bits, he's almost stealing material verbatim. Check out this video for not only Rogan's verbal beatdown, but for edited illustrations of what Rogan's saying:

http://www.redban.com/blogy/?p=80

Also check out Joe's site, www.joerogan.net.

Haiku of the Day 2-17-07

Oh, that Britney Spears
She done shaved her hair all off
Her kids are so screwed

Thursday Nights, or How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love the DVR.

Thursday nights rule the TV world. Seriously. Even with the long beaten dead horse ER still clogging up the airways at 10 pm. But that's quite alright, it gives us a chance to play catch up with the DVR, from that very night no less.

Is there a better block of TV than NBC's 8 pm to 10 pm block? My Name is Earl, The Office, Scrubs, and 30 Rock all combine to form the Voltron (or MegaZord or whatever it was for you kiddies) of comedy line ups. Even the slightly weak links are easily covered for by the sheer awesomity of the others. But all I have to say is thank you Television Gods, for you have brought the DVR unto me. Otherwise I'd have to figure out my VCR again, and get a splitter so I could tape CSI at 9 on CBS.

(By the way, no, I don't have TiVO. I don't need the bells and whistles.)

Not that this is the only thing the DVR is used for, not by far, but it's truly the night where the dual tuner feature is surely most appreciated. Watch Scrubs and 30 Rock, record CSI. Thanks, technology! (You're welcome, Bart!)

I'm not sure what I'm praising more right now, the wonderful entertainment brought to us on Thursday nights, or the gloriousness that is the Digital Video Recorder. Behold them both, in all their glorious glory.

I totally wouldn't ride a cable box with built in DVR out of a bomb bay like I was riding a bronco, though. I don't love the DVR that much.

Jury Duty

Why does jury duty have such a bad rap, really? A couple of years ago, I did it. I didn’t have too much problem with it, having a nice job that paid me my day’s wages regardless, so that 15 dollars per diem was money. Literally. Is that why others don't like it? Because they don't get paid from their own job while being forced to do their civic duty? I guess that would explain why, compared to these other people that were there, I was downright chipper. What amounts to free money and I get away from my job for days at a time? Sign me up!

But the first day I got there, I found out how living dead these places can be. I walked up to the counter to get checked off the list, and to get my per diem. The woman handing them out seemed to be about as thrilled as you could possibly be doing this, which is to say not at all, and asked me “Do you want validation.” Well, I responded, “No thanks, I’m pretty happy with my lot in life.” She stares at me for a good five seconds or so, and then she says “PARKING validation?” I wasn't sure whether she got the joke, or didn't, but I felt it unwise to try to "clue her in" if she didn't get it in the first place.

I was almsot disappointed when I didn't get chosen for any juries, and ended up only going 2 more days before I was informed I didn't have to go back. I wonder when I'll be up for it again.

Shame on us.

Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip is a sinking ship. And we were the iceberg.

This show will probably not make it back next year. And even if it does, it probably won't make to a third, if they even get to finish a second season. We're to blame. We're to blame for not watching. There can't even be blame put on being on at a bad time. Heroes is a runaway hit, and directly proceeds Studio 60. There should be plenty of carryover. But there's not. And I think I know why.

We're too jaded.

We can't watch anything now without being jaded and cynical. People watch Studio 60 and they complain that the skits on the show within the show aren't funny. So? That's not what the show is actually about. Let it go, focus on the actual plot. Does anyone think that Michael Scott, the inept social catastrophe of a boss on The Office, would actually have a job at that level longer than a month in real life? No, of course not. But because a show strives for a certain realistic feel, people take aim at the stupidest things in order to belittle a show which, by rights, should be lauded.

Aaron Sorkin shouldn't be too surprised, though. Same thing happened with SportsNight.

People should relax when watching TV. It's for entertainment, after all. Instead, we all get on the internet (yes, I realize there is a certain irony inherent here) and complain about how an actor or actress is completely ill suited for the role of so and so. Well, I didn't realize we'd all become armchair casting directors. I'm sorry. However, I'll take a few ill suited fits in roles over the endless barrage of brainless reality TV, or Illiterate Programming ( to borrow from the show whose laurels I'm trying to praise). Excuse me for wanting my entertainment not spoon fed to me. And shame on all of us for letting it get this bad.

Here I go again, an attempt to put my thoughts down and pontificate for the masses. Perhaps this time I'll keep to it. Who knows.

Here is a link to my blogs at myspace. Feel free to peruse them as a backlog to this.

http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.ListAll&friendID=18941204