We Regret To Inform You...

I will not be doing Rhyme and Treason any more. I simply can't keep up enough of a regular posting schedule to make it truly fun right now. If anybody else wants to take it off my hands, logo included, feel free. Sorry, guys.

Rhyme...and Treason

Greetings and salutations, sports fans. Time for another wild and woolly edition of Rhyme...and Treason.

This week, straight from the days of yore (which, as we know, is before "back in the day"), we have the first stanza of "All Around the Mulberry Bush." You know the drill...I'll leave out the last line, and you fill it in for me, just leave a comment with your entry. Friday I'll judge you based on my awesome sliding scale and determine a winner.

All around the mulberry bush
The monkey chased the weasel.
The monkey thought 'twas all in fun.
Pop!...

readygo

Rhyme...and Treason Results

I'm afraid I've got little time right now to put up all the entries, like I usually do, but I do wish to proclaim The Queen the winner. And while yes, the fact that she's my wife had a little tiny bit to do with it, the vast majority was due to the fact that when I read her entry of "God, I'm a homo!" I snarfed with laughter.

Rhyme...and Treason (the TRIUMPHANT return!)

Also, special Labor Day edition!

You know the rules, but since it's been awhile, let me refresh: I'm posting up some sort of lyric or poem or what not. I leave a blank space. You fill that in by via the comment section. Then, on Friday, I play judge and tell everyone who is the best.

Let us work today with an excerpt from Walt Whitman (I...HATE...YOU...WALT....FREAKIN'...WHITMAN! LEAVES OF GRASS MY ASS! - thanks Homer) and his magnum opus "Song of Myself."

Blacksmiths with grimed and hairy chests environ the anvil,
Each has his main-sledge, they are all out, there is great heat in the fire.
From the conder-strew'd threshold I follow their movements,
The lithe sheer of their waists plays even with their massive arms,
Overhand the hammers swing, overhand so slow, overhand so sure,
They do not hasten, ...

readygo.

Rhyme and Treason results!

And here we go with the compilation of the entries and the announcement of the winner.

Last weeks winner Brian in Oxford shoots us this bon mot, though with little confidence:
"Plutocracy sure blows!"

My favorite antagonist Deborah throws down with:
"With a pie cherry still stuck up its nose."

Everyone's favorite Aussie jack-of-all-trades and blogosphere godfather David McMahon contributes with: " With a digital SLR camera, and asked me to pose."
and
"Bart wants this to rhyme, I suppose"

pope terry (I'll answer your questions in a couple days, dude) goes for the gusto with:
"and sprayed her with a hose...
cue the cheesy seventies wah wah music,
and enter a man with a big moustache,
'your all wet miss' "

Then victorya one ups him with this novella:
"that was tagged with a research receiver from National Geographic as it was one of the few remaining due to the recent blackbird pie fad. The maid, upon seeing the blackbird called for the cook who came forth and, luring the bird to him with some sesame seeds, and captured it for a future supper. The researchers noticed the constancy of the locator and sent forth an investigator. Arriving at the castle, the investigator was appalled to discover numerous violations. There was Panda stew, smoked albatross, not to mention the stuffed tigers. The King was brought to court, sued, and in lieu of jail-time paid through the nose."

Getting all scatological on our backsides is whodatdare with:
"And dropped a deuce upon her nose"

And last, but not least, is cherty werty (I just never feel like trying to spell it out, sue me) with:
"Dessert was Crow Surprose."
and
"And threatened to foreclose."
and
"That's all. I'm otiose."

This was a toughie. I really have to say. But after much deliberation I have decided to bestow this weeks award to:

POPE TERRY! The porn reference really "nailed" that home, buddy. Congrats be to you.

And congrats be to all of you participants.

While I have you here, I could use some assistance. See, Jessie and I decided to get a new kitten tonight. I know, we no nuts, we crazy. Well, I'm looking for a more esoteric name. The kitten is female. She has a tendency to want to perch on shoulders so I thought maybe a piratey name, but I'll be happy with something off the beaten path.

Also, wish us luck, because while Elmo seems to pretty much be all "oh, another cat, whatever," Annie isn't taking it as well.

This week's Rhyme...and Treason.

Once again, apologies for the latesies. I forgot yesterday was Monday. Whooooops.

That's not true. In reality, I got distracted. But here we are anyway, with this weeks rhyme.

Sing a song of sixpence,
A pocket full of rye;
Four and twenty blackbirds
Baked in a pie.
When the pie was opened,
They all began to sing.
Now, wasn't that a dainty dish
To set before the King?

The King was in his countinghouse,
Counting out his money;
The Queen was in the parlor
Eating bread and honey.
The maid was in the garden,
Hanging out the clothes.
Along there came a big black bird...

readygo.

Rhyme and Treason results!

Sorry to be a day late but I was kind of busy buying a car yesterday. My bad.

Dawn starts us off and can't get away from a Red Sox boast. Sorry, you lose. :D

...when the Mighty Papelbon strikes you out.

pope terry. brings us around the bend with
.. where the whole town smell of trout...


Want realism? Brian in Oxford

....Casey's steroids test's in doubt.

....David Wells gave Casey gout.

....Donald Fehr's a blowhard lout.

....Casey fouled one off his snout.


Cert. Never can make up his mind. Here's his second attempt.

.. - all the folks know it's a dud ville:
There's no Wal-Mart and the only traffic light in town's gone out.


whodatdare goes in two different directions.

... The peanuts and beer have run out....

From within the closet, mighty Casey has come out...


ohara gets all poetic on us

... But there is no joy in Mudville -
with hearts so full of doubt.

Oh Casey turn this game around the faithful crowd had cried
Oh Casey rise to the occasion, a thousand lips had sighed
And a thousand dreams were answered as that ball cracked o'er the field
And Caseys right to run was won and Mudville raised the shield.


chewy, you should have changed this to Yankee scout, that would have crushed the hearts of Mudvillians

.. The mighty Casey left with the Red Sox scout.

I'm actually a bit disappointed that some of you didn't attempt to kiss my backside with a Orioles reference. You probably would have won for sure. For SHAME people.

That being said, our winner this week is...


Brian in Oxford for his "Casey's steroids test in doubt" entry! Close second was ohara giving the poem a happy ending, but with Barry Bonds about to disgrac...er, I mean....break the all time home run record, I felt Brian knocked one out there. Pun completely intended.

Touch 'em all, Brian.

Rhyme and Treason -Special Cooperstown Edition

Hello all, time for this weeks Rhyme and Treason. This week, we have "Casey at the Bat." However, the poem is much too long to post the whole thing, so only the last stanza is included. So try and remember it's about baseball, and have at it!

Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright;
The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light,
And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout;
But there is no joy in Mudville -

readygo

Rhyme and Treason results

Here’s our entries. Starting with Brian from Oxford.

...and shot herself dead.
...and gave her man head (because she was tired of being pregnant)
...and snuck off to be fed.
...behind the woodshed.

On to whodatdare.

... with a pipe made of lead
...'til she cracked all their heads.

Next up is Chewy.

And in the morning the Department of Social Services arrived to take them all away.

Followed by ozlady.

-til they were purplish-red
- and studied biomed
- coz she was seeing red

Bring on chert.

...and tucked them in bed.
The bed was too small, and her efforts for nowt:
As she pushed one more in, another fell out.
Starved and beaten to thinness , they wouldn't stay put.
She wished more had been taken by Athlete's Foot.

David gives us:

... and sent 'em to live with Uncle Fred.
... and checked herself into Club Med
... and she bet the house on the Kentucky Derby favorite, which won by a short half-head

Carol contributes, and editorializes

…and hid in the shed. (Well, that's what I do!)

On to yesbut.

… and they said “forget about the broth, whip us some more we like that, and can you wear this leather thong and mask”.

And finally, pope terry.

With the blunt end of an extension cord

And now, your winner, judged solely by ME!

*drumroll*

Chertiozhnik!!!!

...and tucked them in bed.
The bed was too small, and her efforts for nowt:
As she pushed one more in, another fell out.
Starved and beaten to thinness , they wouldn't stay put.
She wished more had been taken by Athlete's Foot.

Congrats, Chert! You get the wonderful prize of absolutely nothing! Except the admiration of your internet peers. And you can take the R&T graphic and put it up on your site, declaring yourself the winner.

See everyone after I get back from Cooperstown! (Which means the next R&T will be also a little late, as I won't be getting back until afternoon/evening on Monday.

Whoops...

Sorry folks, I've been pretty busy, and at a loss for significant ideas. However, I'll be compiling the R&T entries later tonight, and posting them up tomorrow (or late tonight, really). Then I leave for a weekend trip to Cooperstown, NY.

Be good y'all.

Here we go with my new (and improved?) format for Rhyme and Treason. I put 'em up on Monday, you put in your entries, and at the end of the week, I put them all up, including the one I think "wins." Judged solely by me, Captain Awesome. Gooooooo Awesome! I'm totally humming a theme song right now. I'll also put a weekly easy link there on the side bar for easy navigation as we move further along the days of the week. How's that for magnanimous?

Which reminds me, is a volcano that gives a lot of lava "magmanimous?"

This weeks nursery rhyme is "There was an Old Woman who Lived in a Shoe." a-1, a-2, a-you-know-what-to-do!

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe.
She had so many children, she didn't know what to do.
She gave them some broth, without any bread,
Whipped them all soundly...

readygo.

That's Freakin' It!

Was going to do a Rhyme and Treason tonight, but circumstances led me to having to put out an ultimatum instead. Plus, I thought of a better way of doing R&T which I'll discuss as soon as I get something off the ol' chest.

Asshole drivers...you are officially on notice.

I am sick and damn tired of d-bags waiting to the last possible minute to merge over. For whatever reason you have to. Lane legitimately ending, construction, accident bypassing, whatever. The second you see you should get over, GET...THE...HELL...OVER. Your asshole move of not merging only creates a bottleneck.

You are on notice. Because I'm no longer going to sit there and let you do this. From now on, I'm going to straddle the middle line. That's right. I'm going to block your dumb ass from getting by. See, I figure, I might be an asshole to you, but this is better than you being an asshole to EVERY SINGLE PERSON YOU PASS, and every person that has to wait that much longer because you wouldn't merge early, saving yourself a couple minutes tops.

I will block you. Try and stop me. Because you'll probably end up rear ending me, and I don't care if I'm straddling that middle lane, you're still gonna be liable. That'd be the icing on the cake.

Look, it's not rocket science. Get over when you know you have to. But I'm not going to sit there, in the correct lane like a good little boy, and watch you be a prick to every person in the correct lane anymore. I'm blocking the dillholes. I urge all of my readers to do the same.

As for Rhyme and Treason, I'm bringing it back Monday. Instead of immediately putting up the responses, I'm going to leave it open for most of the "work" week. Responses should be in by Thursday night. Then, on Friday, I'll post the responses, including the one I feel was the best, which in a sense will be the "winner." Judged solely by me, because I believe in a ruling class, especially since I rule. So, all of you have been clamoring for Rhyme and Treason, check this space on Monday. Which is like, late Tuesday in Australia. Stupid time zones. Stupid sun revolving around the earth and reaching places sooner than others. Stupid astrophysics!!

You know the rules. I give out a well known nursery rhyme, song, or poem. I live out the last line. You supply it.

Today, I bring you the sadistic tale of Humpty Dumpty.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the King's horses and all the King's men
...

readygo

------------------------------------------

Cecilia responds in record time and she must have focused on my description of the rhyme as sadistic:
"Gathered 'round the shattered egg, and said a big AMEN!"

Brian (in Oxford) forgets the rhyme part of the deal with:
"Turned to each other and said, 'Get the wenches back from the village to clean up this mess!'"

David tag teams us:
"Turned into paparazzi, on the trail of Brad (and Jen)"
"Examined their clauses and signed out at ten."

Deborah goes drunken cannibal on our asses:
"Feasted on scrambled eggs and gin."

Time for a poem. Complete the Robert Frost classic "The Road Not Taken."

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
...

Chert get's firsties with
" A road I'll stray on all my days,
To heaven or hell by winding ways."

Second up is Chewy:
" tripped on a rotten root, scraped my knee and fell into a patch of poison ivy."

Deborah stays within the rhyming scheme (yay!) and gives us:
" Which explains the frequent suspense."

Using a word I'm a sucker for, David contributes:
" One went low and one went high, but I

I just wish I felt more spry"

+++++++++++++++++++++++
In other plugs, have some fun with YesBut's captioning. Go here, and check out the pictures, and in the comments section, leave your own caption. The more humorous, the better. Later this week, everyone will be voting on what they think were the best ones. Join the fun!

And aaaaaaaaway we go!

Peter, Peter, Pumpkin Eater,
had a wife but couldn't keep her.
He put her in a pumpkin shell...

readygo.

David got first dibs with the nearly redundant "with a pager and a beeper." He later chimed in with the punny "A weekend warlock, he had to duck out for a spell."

Chert over at Nobody's Friend (go visit and make that the most wrongest title ever) scares me ever so slightly with: "And a bear ate pumpkin and wife as well.---And lost her in his pile of pumpkins. "

Cousin Heather threw down with a nod to how unhappy his wife will be about it all: "And now his life his close to hell."

Deborah over at Uncommon Notions puts together my favorite so far (probably because I'm a sucker for the word dispel):
"But the rumors he could not dispel."

pope terry over at The Diary of a Whipping Boy gives us the very pragmatical: "Which for financial reasons he had to sell."

ozlady points out the obvious, yet still funny: "and pretty soon began to smell!"

lady t gets a bit nasty with "And sent her straight back to hell."

Rhyme...and Treason

So yeah, I'm going with David's suggestion. What can I say, I like puns. Plus, it was his idea.

I even made a groovy image for the occasion.

So, off we go with the second installment. Have it this lyric, from "Time" by Pink Floyd.

Wasting away the moments that make up a dull day
You fritter and waste the hours in an offhand way
Kicking around on a piece of ground in your hometown...

readygo

Chert chimed in first with:
Don't want to sound
Grittier than thou
But I didn't even have a
Spacehopper to call my own.

Then Chewy got on board with:
Skating away on the thin ice of a new day.

While I was editing the others in, David got on the board:
You feel like a king, but you can't find your crown.

New Thang!

So, David gave me this idea. And by gave, I mean that quite literally. He came up with it and told me about it to let me have the reins. Ultra cool move there.

Anyway, this is how it's going to work. I'm going to give you all a nursery rhyme, or a song lyric, or possibly even a poem. You then give me your suggestions for a concluding line. I'll post up the best suggestions, which will also link back to your blog so other people can see exactly who came up with the killer suggestions.

And this first one will be a double whammy, because I'll also be opening the floor for suggestions on what to call this new feature! How awesome is that? So, with that in mind, here's our first lyrical entrant:

Little Miss Muffet, sat on her tuffet
Eating her curds and whey.
Along came a spider and sat down beside her...

readygo.

Dan Mega gets firsties, although he forgot this nursery rhyme...rhymed:
" and said "hey muffet, gotta light?" "

Chertiozhnik (who you should check out sometime soon) was the Energizer Bunny of this exchange so far, chipping in four contributions:
"Miss Muffet ate protein that day."
"And with his guitar, sang 'Whisky in the Jar,' and 'Sitting on the Dock of the Bay.'
"As curds n'whey are a milk product, it contains protein anyway."
I'm partial to the second one. Chert also suggested "Hard Lines" for the title of this little game, though I'm not quite sold on that. Though, as I pointed out, it's much better than what I didn't come up with.

phaseoutgirl gets my vote for best scatological entrant with this funny line:
"and dropped all his turds on her tray!"

Brian in Oxford chimes in with:
" ...And found out Miss Muffet was gay."

David, the architect of this whole idea, has the best idea for the name so far with Rhyme...and Treason. He also has this suggestion for the last line:
"This is ma lobster, his name's Cassius Cray'."
Which I like, because any pun on Cassius Clay is okay by me.