So, uh...

Yeah, my hotel in Cooperstown has free WiFi. Glad I brought the Lappy in case!

So, I'm doing a second interview, because I can. This time from Deborah over at Uncommon Notions. Away we go, and my answers italicized!

Bart,

It is with great pleasure that I accept the offer to interview you. You are a very interesting man and so I am entirely completely unable to limit myself to only five questions.

1. Your blog is chock full of sarcasm and humor. In elementary school were you the intellectual kid with a dry sense of humor that no one understood? Do you mind posting a picture from that era?

No. I was way more spastic. Up through high school. The dry humor was still there, but not as prevalent. I don't have access to a scanner, but when I do, I'll throw some embarrassing photos of that era up.

2. You seem to be one that can get ticked off at seemingly small things, like big cars that park too close to your Japanese hybrid while you are picking up a ream of not-so-white 100% recycled paper at the office supply store. Or when people just misuse a common word that just about everyone misuses. Do you consider yourself short tempered? Or simply one who is passionate about things in which you believe? Were you raised by strong willed people that fought for their beliefs? Or what do you think causes you to react so strongly in certain situations?

I'm infamously short-tempered. Though I tend to get mildly irked at little things as a way to vent the overall anger. Kinda works, too. But I'm also passionate about things I believe in. For the record, I currently drive a Chevy S-10, not a Japanese hybrid. And I'm not particular pressed about buying recycled paper. However, my friend Ryan, on the way to Cooperstown, after I finished ranting about something, said "I love seeing you get worked up over trivial things."
And I react strongly because I'm a relatively strong personality, really. Not much more to it than that.

3. It is apparent you possess a distaste for organized religion. Or at least those religions with proselyting missionaries. However, are there any organizations to which you claim allegiance? A recreational soccer team? The local Thespian group? AA? Or a knitting club, perhaps? On a personal note, if there is ever anything I could do to get you to listen to the Mormon missionaries, is that something you would share with me?

How shocked would you be if I told you I was an ordained clergy member? Okay, I got it off the internet, but still. I have a card and everything, proclaiming me as ordained member of the clergy, of the church of Spiritual Humanism, and I have an officiant's manual. I can marry people, which is a frightening thought. But yes, on the whole, I'm not a huge fan of organized religion. George Carlin once commented that the last commandment should be "keep thy religion to thyself." That's my main complaint, really. I don't begrudge people their religion, but sometimes they sure seem to begrudge me my belief system, because it's not theirs. Not everyone, mind you. But that's what I have against "proselyting missionaries," as you put it. I currently don't belong to any organizations that I can think of off the top of my head, though.
If someone where to pay me by the hour to listen to the missionaries, I'd consider it. My time is valuable, though.

4. You seem to be a bit of a word wizard. A message mogul in a sense. Has your passion for the English language ever brought you real fame or benefit? For example, did you ever win the school spelling bee? Or have a Letter to the Editor published?

Beyond this blog, and some college paper stuff, nothing. However, considering the nature of my job, occasionally people are surprised by my vocabulary. I don't think people expect a person in my job to bust out the five dollar words. Most recently, a high school principal was impressed by my use of purview ("I'm afraid chair arrangement doesn't fall under my purview").

5. I’m sure we’d all agree that your persuasive writing skills are top-notch. Did you ever consider law school? Or did you at least take the LSAT? If so, do you mind sharing your score with us? If not, have there been career dreams you wish you would have followed? Or still plan to follow?

No, but my mother sure did. But I had plenty of career dreams. I want to be a writer, but I also wanted to be a critic. Movies or books. Preferably movies. That's a hard field to get in to, though, at least for me it seemed to be. I also want to own a theatre. But that's like, THE DREAM. But I was strictly liberal arts throughout school.

6. We are somewhat familiar with your book in progress about a has-been rock band. What about the roadie life interests you enough to write a novel surrounding that theme? And…When you were ten and the kids in your neighborhood formed a garage band (all kids do this at some point right?) did you play the Quaker Oatmeal cardboard cylinder drums? Or another instrument? You weren’t the lead singer were you?

This summer seemed to be the summer of the reuniting bands. The Police, Smashing Pumpkins, etc. It was really The Police getting back together that made me think of that idea, though, because they broke up for a reason. I worked a Guitar Congress a few years ago that Andy Summers (Police guitarist) spoke at. He clearly didn't like Sting. I figured that never went away, so this tour was probably really interesting behind the scenes. Voila.

I was not in a garage band at ten. However, from 19-23 I played guitar in some bands. One outfit played a few shows in the area. We even played with Good Charlotte before they got all big and stuff. I'm not the best choice for singer, though. I have a fairly deep voice. It works very well for an Eeyore impression, but as a singer, I sound like the guy from Crash Test Dummies. Remember that song? Mmmm mmmm mmmmm mmmm.

Thank you for taking the time to be interviewed. I feel like Katie Couric. Except I’m not that small. And I’m not blonde. And I don’t live in NYC. And I don’t own anything Prada. Nevertheless, this was a hard-nosed interview, would you agree?

Relatively so, yes. :D