Such An Obvious Joke

Yet, it's still hilarious.

Jessie and I are thinking about going to a movie tomorrow on Labor Day. We got nothin' else better to do, and why not. So, I check to see what's playing at our local favorite theater (which isn't one of the biggest in country which is really close, Muvico Egyptian 24. It's nice and all, but it gets a little...crazy...in there. This one is closer and relatively overlooked in Muvico's wake). I pan down the list, and see that the comedy Pineapple Express is still playing. Only two shows, though. First showing?

4:20.

Now, for those of you that aren't "in the know," Pineapple Express is a stoner movie, and 4:20 is a long standing "code" for marijuana. Such an obvious joke...but Jessie and I still laughed. Someone at the theater is a jokester.

Something Weird I Thought of Tonight...

So, I was watching TV, which isn't exactly a huge revelation. I do a lot of that. Well anyway, one of these chicken sandwich commercials comes on, the one with the "cheating on the cow" thing. I think it's for Burger King. Anyway, one of them takes place at a motel call something-shire. And it got me to thinking...

You know how in those cases, the "shire" is usually pronounced "sure?" But by itself, it's "shy-er."

Okay, it's not that weird, but yet again, another weird quirk of English. I wonder if Frodo and company would have been so eager to get back there if it were called The Sure.

Flashback Friday: Presidential Blues

Remember Arsenio Hall? In the wake of the closing of the DNC last night, let me take you back to one of the moments remembered as the "lauching" of President Bill Clinton during his first campaign for office...jamming on the sax.

"If this music thing doesn't work out, you can always run for President."

Humpday Haiku: Freshman Convocation

Convocation, weird:

Two and a half days setup

For one hour event

Quick Shots:

I miss Calvin and Hobbes. I once got in to a lengthy philosophical debate on whether or not Hobbes really existed, like if it was magical that only he could see and hear him, or whether he was merely another facet of Calvin's boundless imagination. No drugs were involved either. Maybe a couple beers.

I also miss The Far Side. Because Gary Larson would have had a field day with that revelation.

Raw sewage. Weird term. Is it ever, or will it ever be, cooked?

When did parody movies become desperate grabs at whatever's in "the now"? It's easy to say that it started with the Scary Movie sequels (which lead to all the other "Movie" movies) but I'm gonna actually blasphemize and say it was Mel Brooks' Robin Hood Men in Tights. Mind you it was a funny movie, but compare it to the general parodies that proceeded it. Men in Tights was aimed much more at a specific recent movie when it was made...Brooks hasn't been the same since.

Someone needs to grab all the MLB umpires by the scruff of the neck and point out that the operative words in the balk rules are "intent to deceive."

You know what would be the ultimate alternative fuel? Our bodily waste. I bet you're thinking "that's gross," but we'd never run short. And the term "I have gas" would take on a much different meaning.

Wendy's hasn't been the same since Dave Thomas died. I get the feeling that a lot of subordinates, once he was buried, had a meeting and said, "okay, now that he's out of the way, we can do all that stuff he wouldn't let us do."

I can't take complete credit for this, that goes to Kevin Hillock, but how is McDonalds getting away with their new chicken sandwich? It's a Chick-Fil-A chicken sandwich! Chicken on a buttered bun with pickles! It's not right, if Burger King came out tomorrow with a double tiered cheeseburger separated with a center bun with thousand island dressing McDonalds would have a team of lawyers pounce on them!

Why does it seem like only half of the people in the world know how to navigate a four-way stop? It's probably one of the easiest concepts. It's easier than parallel parking...yet everytime I stop at one, nobody seems to know what to do but me.

Not Sure it's a Good Thing or a Bad Thing...

But I've never been asked to "guest blog."

Hrm.

This was a very Mega post.

Weighing In:

Not too bad this week. Obviously not anything like that initial drop off, but I knew it wouldn't be. But, at this rate, I think I could very easily reach my first goal of being under 200 when Erin is born, which means if I crack 200 way early, I'll have to reassess that goal weight and timeline...Perhaps I'll go with 190. With not as much aggressiveness if I don't make it, since I really was focusing on starting out by getting under 200 before Erin arrives. If I do that a month to go, well...Go me.

Starting weight (8/12/08): 221.4

Weight today (8/25/08): 206.4

Difference from last weigh in: 7 lbs

Overall difference: 15 lbs.

Quick Shots:

Does Bob Vila bother to do his own home improvements, or does he contract out? I mean, I figure he does the little stuff, but if he wants to add a wing to his place, does he spearhead it himself, or simply find a contractor he trusts to take care of it because he doesn't want to do work when he's not "at work"?

Why six feet under? Where did that come from? 6 feet seems so arbitrary and random. Why not 5, or 10? Or 3? Is there some sort of scientific logic? And do gravediggers actually measure? What happens if they only go 5 1/2 feet under, can you get a discount?

Lawn Care

I don't get it.

I mean, I get it, I simply don't know what to do. Like, I mow my lawn...sometimes I trim. But my lawn looks baaaaad. And I wouldn't even know where to start? Reseed the grass? Maybe. But it seems like there's at least three kinds of grass in the lawn already. And I don't even know how to do that.

I should probably water part of my lawn because it's in the sun all day, that's the worst of it, looks like really dead zone. I don't seem to remember my dad doing that though, and it never got that bad...

Honestly, the only thing that looks good are the azalea bushes, and that's because those things take care of themselves.

Figured I'd share.

Photo Hunt: Wrinkled

Now, you might look at this photo, and think "wrinkled?" But look at Rasta Ralphie's face. And yes, I swear that's his name. For a guy of obvious age, he sure keeps good care of his body, eh?

Also, this picture was taken not long after this incident. And not by me, by Jessie, so credit goes to her. I was probably still contemplating death.

PhotoHunt

Flashback Friday: Olympic Edition

Remember Dan and Dave (for us Americans)?

Reebok blitzed us with Dan O'Brien and Dave Johnson up to the Barcelona Summer Games. These two were supposed to go head to head and duke it out for the decatholan.

One snag. Dan failed to qualify. He didn't even go. Dave ended up with the bronze medal.

Poor choice of horses to hitch your wagons too, Reebok.

Surgery - Part Three

Well, the nursing home (hole) effed up, and now she's not having the damn surgery. They just didn't do the pre-op stuff she was supposed to have last night.

I am so pissed right now.

Surgery - Part Two

So um...I was misinformed.

This is MAJOR surgery my mother is having later today. I feel dumb in hindsight because I knew what they were going to be doing, and when you really think about it, it's not a hop, skip and a jump kinda thing. It's not really routine, plus, they're really gonna be doing some cutting...so...

Pray harder and send bigger good vibes.

At least my mom is in good spirits. Hell, she really wants this surgery, and I can't blame her, but yeah, it's definitely bigger of a deal than I thought.

Humpday Haiku: Pets

Elmo and Ninja

Elmo still cute, annoying

Ninja still attacks.

On another note, today marks an actual week since I weighed myself at 221.4 and decided that enough was enough...so to mark the week, I weighed myself this morning...209.8. 11.6 pounds in one week. I'm not sure if I should be happy or scared for my health. Heh.

Surgery.

So, I said I wouldn't talk about my mom much, especially heavy stuff, after my other post. I feel this is an exception.

In that post I mentioned that she should probably have a permanent catheter at this point. Well, this Thursday the 21st she's having surgery to have exactly that.

Now, I forget the name of the procedure...I have the paperwork in my car. But the idea is that...they use some piece of her own body as the evacuation point for her bladder, to decrease infection from the foreign catheter. This piece of her own tissue (I forget what exactly they use) is then actually led out of her body at a point off to the side of her torso, where a bag is then kept attached (I guess by a strap) to her body. The bladder then empties that way, instead of through her now ruined urethra.

This is a somewhat new, but not cutting edge, procedure. So, do me a favor. If you pray, go ahead and do that, or if you're like me and that's not your bag, send some good vibes. I expect it to go fine (I think it's considered out patient, which is always a good sign for "not that serious") but weird things have happened to my family in surgery (like my grandmother, another story for another day). I'll be there at the hospital until she's out and fully awake on Thursday. I'll briefly fill you guys in on Friday.

People Fear Registries

So, as most of my great ideas stem, I was talking with Jessie yesterday about baby showers at our work, and Erin's pre-birthday party (like that? I came up with it. Supposed to make it less of a "woman" thing, since there's a connotation that women go to baby showers), and the topic of our respective registries came up (Target and Babies R' Us, for those interested). And then we started talking about how registries are the most misused thing in the world.

Well, okay, that's an obvious exaggeration. But it's really weird. Registries are exactly what someone or a couple need for a respective event. They've gone to the stores, they've gone around and said "we need/want that." Most of the time it's need. And here's where it gets stupid.

Most people don't get the registry items because they want to be more sponteneous and fun. So after the shower, the person or couple (whatever) is left holding the registry bag of a bunch of stuff they FREAKING NEED! The registry was there for a reason, and there's no shame in using it! I love them! I wish people would use registries for everything! I mean, there's Amazon.com's wishlists, which are kinda what I mean, but birthday or the holiday season is approaching, what to get Bob? No worries, Bob is registered at Bath and Body Works, Joy's House of Porn, and McDonalds! We can get him exactly what he wants/needs, no guess work involved!

It'd be a much different thing if it were only a few people, but it's much too prevalant. People see "registry" and they think "no fun." Bullshit. These specific events have registries for precisely this reason, and the vast majority of people are screwing up the works because they want to be more fun! Look, I know that when people might be shopping for Erin's showers/pre-birthday party they might see this adorable little outfit they'll think we'll love. And we probably will, but you know what, there aren't any clothing items on our registry. Why? Because thanks to each of our mothers, we're pretty much covered until Erin is a year old already! We don't need clothing, we need that other stuff we put on there! I know some of it is boring and to you it might seem like an anti-climatic gift, but trust me, we'll be ecstatic to get it when we (or she) opens it up! Why? We put it on the registry!!

USE THE DAMN REGISTRIES, PEOPLE! Most systems are inherently broken, but this is a system that works for once and you people are mucking it up!

Weighing In

So, I've decided to use you guys as a de-facto support group. I'ma gonna use you people, yeah. Sorry, horrible joke. But I don't have the money for Weight Watchers...but I remember the basic concepts, so I should be somewhat good. However, what I lack is the support and motivation that comes from being in a Weight Watcher group (even if I didn't go to that many actual meetings back when I was on it, it was there when needed).

So, what I'll do, is every Monday, I'll weigh myself, post it here big and bold, and you guys can help encourage my ass. Because I have an addiction to food. I mean, we all sort of have an addiction to food, but mine is definitely a pyschological thing...I eat for pleasure and comfort, and I obviously can't be trusted to go at it alone.

Starting weight (8/12/08): 221.4

Weight today (8/17/08): 213.4

Difference from last weigh in: -8 lbs

Overall difference: -8 lbs

Don't get too happy or congratulatory. Last year I also started off with an 8 pound drop, and not coincidentally, it was also a combo of the same two things along with the watching my eating: the initial water weight loss and a digestive tract issue (to put it nicely).

So, now I'm basically at where I started last year. Okay, two pounds lighter, but still.

The Home Stretch...sorta...

For those paying attention to that countdown, and with rudimentary math skills (which means "you are better at math than Bart"), you'll know that Jessie is about 2 months away from birthing time. Bless her, she's soldiering through like a champ, though her small stature basically puts her at a disadvantage. Same size growing baby but she's 5 feet tall (that's 1.524 meters for international types...I guess that's how you measure height ;) ).

That's why I say it's the home stretch...sorta. Because she's carrying as if she was more like a month away, which is definitely a bummer. But like I said, she's a champ. She's got complaints, but she's getting through the day.

Now that I've given you an update, I'm going to be the complete immodest guy you all know and love. I figure I have at least like...5 readers. Well, the countdown now has a nice Donate button...feel free to use that. I'm not looking for huge handouts (though I wouldn't turn them down, that's for damn sure, like I said, I'm shameless about this...I'll take all the financial help I can get!), but feel free to chip in. Especially those of you who can't come to Erin's pre-birthday party. Think of it as a gift card or something. :D But believe you me...I'll be mentioning that button...this button...

...quite a bit in the next few months. Maybe I'll even figure out a way to acknowledge people publically or something...I haven't thought it through that much yet.

Give early...give often...

Yeah, I know, I've gone all PBS for my kid. But let's be honest...I don't get paid all that much.

I Fell Off The Wagon

We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday Photo Hunt with a confession post.

I'm effin' fat again. To say I fell off the wagon doesn't even quite do it justice. I fell off the wagon which was at the edge of a mountain, and I hit a lot of jutting branches and ledges on the way down.

Tuesday night I weighed myself at 221.

Two

Hundred

Twenty

One.

Let me put it bluntly...that's 6 pounds heavier than I was when I started dieting last year. I had gotten down to the 180 area. Maybe slightly lighter. And then blam...a year later and I'm 6 pounds heavier than when I freaking started. Just like me.

Well, I'm disgusted with myself. I look bad, I feel bad, time to remember that motivation and drop again. I've already gotten to about 217, but of course, that was probably the water weight. But even then, I'm only getting back to where I started a year and a half ago.

I'm shooting to get to the 200 mark, or maybe break it, by the time Erin is born, and hopefully back to the 180 point or so by the new year. Wish me luck, send me strength and motivational skills.

Flashback Friday: Teddy Ruxpin

I remember really loving this when I was a wee little Bartman, my grandmom had one which was kinda mine in a way, since I was the youngest in the actual area. But looking back on it, this had to be one of the creepiest toys of the 80s. Right behind My Buddy, which basically started the Child's Play horror movie series (look at a My Buddy and tell me that's not Chucky). But basically with Teddy Ruxpin's you got a miniature version of the animatronic characters at the Country Bear Jamboree or Chuck E Cheese. And those were pretty creepy when you think about it. Anyway, enjoy some original commercial goodness of the creepy talking bear...

Oh yeah, I also remember how creepy the thing was when the batteries would start to die. Remember in 2001 when Dave starts removing HAL's chips and he starts toooo slooooooow dooooooooown? Yeah, now imagine a creepy talking bear doing that.

I got the jibblies.

An Award With Stipulations Isn't Much of an Award...

...It's more like work. But thanks to Dan Mega and the unwritten laws of the intertubes, I'm now contractually obligated to carry on like the wayward son that I am, and proceed with the pay it forward reward shenanigans. I mean, thanks Dan, but at the same time, you're a buttwipe. Making me put thought and effort in to a post? You're cruel, man. But that's the award over there. It's nice to look at on the mantle, but I can't admire it because I have to adhere to these rules, even as I try to resist...

Anyways. Rules are as follows.

1. You have to pick 5 blogs that you consider deserving of this award for their creativity, design, interesting material, and also contribute to the blogging community, no matter what language.

Okay, I've picked them. Got them in the ol' noodle.

2. Each award has to have the name of the author and a link to her/her blog to be visited by everyone.

Oh, sonuva...there's that work I talked about.

3. Each award winner has to show the award and put their name and link to the blog that presented her/him with the award.

Haha, you poor suckers are gonna have to wallow in my misery!

4. The award winner and one has who has given the prize have to show the link Arte y Pico blog so everyone will know the origin of this award.

Oh, so now we see what's going on here...and it's not even in English. Wow, this sucker has gone international. Anyway, check.

5. Show these rules.

Check.

Okay, fine. Let's get this over with. Just like Dan, I shall not commit the sin of putting these in a particular order.

David McMahon's authorblog. If the blogosphere had a mentor or godfather (not the nefarious type) it'd be David. He puns, he tells interesting anecdotes, he shoots impressive photography, he writes books that actually get published. I honestly don't know how he has time for this crap.

Culture kills, no I mean Cutlery. I stumbled upon this one day, and I can't even remember how. Maybe saw him comment on another blog, and went to his blog. Been a reader ever since. Love the title for one, but the content is always superb, even if I don't always agree. I mostly agree though.

Shrink Wrapped Scream. Another good name, it's one of those blog names that I look at and go, "that'd be an awesome band name." Carol has always been good to me, and she is quite adept at story telling. Lately she hasn't been so adept at the whole regular posting thing, but I don't hold that against her. Sometimes creativity comes in bursts. I should know, all my creativity burst out of me around 2002, and I'm still trying to pick up the detritus.

The Back of My Headboard. Chewy is uber talented. She could probably get that stupid umlat thing over the uber using nothing but her telekinesis, that's how talented she is. Okay, that's probably (totally) an exaggeration, but this is my blog, dammit, so you WILL LISTEN TO EVERY WORD I HAVE TO SAY! /adam sandler moment. She is an artist. Artiste, even. Like David she's pretty well rounded when it comes to the whole thing, though she specializes in painting work. She takes a pretty good picture though, too. In more ways than one, because she's apparantely 50 or so...you sure don't look it, Chew. I mean, I'm about to turn 31, and some people have put me in my late 30s...you must be doing something right!

And to round out this little group...the guy who I figure probably won't do this but I want to torture him anyway, for shiggles...

Slack to the Future. Long time friend Ben. He tells jokes. And people actually pay him to do that. People pay me to stop. So, I gotta give it up for him there. Ben: 1, Bart: 0. Don't be confused when you visit his site, because he went and named his kid Benjamin. The little boy isn't the blogger. Though, damn, that'd be impressive. When Erin is born, I'm gonna get her to start blogging immediately. It'll be a sensation, and it'll start paying for her college! Anyway, Ben also tells a really good story, when he can stop taking pictures of his kid and substituting the word muff for the word love in songs...hint hint Ben.


So there. I've done it. It's as if a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. That damn series of tubes can really weigh you down when it wants.

Humpday Haiku: Technically...for me it's not humpday...

Vacation: over

How do I feel about that

Well, the Dude abides.

Photo Hunt: Dark

Dark room...only light coming from sparse Christmas lights, the computer monitors, and the light from outside the room.

PhotoHunt

Goodbye Old Friend...

You were trusty. You got me places when I needed to get there. I just didn't need a truck anymore.

Flashback Friday: Clerks: The Animated Series

Who is driving, oh my god Bear is driving how can that be?

Thanks for not giving this show even an INKLING of a chance, ABC. You dumbasses.

Humpday Haiku: Tasteless Morgan Freeman joke

Driving Miss Daisy

Rolled that car right off the road

Revoke his license soon...

Vacation, all I ever wanted...?

As the title so wittingly points out, I'm on vacation. I'm not quite sure how I feel about it, though, to be honest. A large part of me is glad. By my own design I had been working more, something that hadn't gone unnoticed by my supervisors, but not for positive reasons. A break could very well do me good.

But at the same time, it's also giving me time to think about my job. What's been happening there, how things are playing out, etc. I'm not going to get in to specifics, because, quite frankly, I'm not a grade A idiot. I'm not anonymous here, though in hindsight, I wish I had have followed the mold of Dan Mega. But I'm not big in to the faceless anonymity that the internet provides, and I wanted to be able to say stuff and have people know that I said it. The unfortunate downside to that is that people know I said it. People have been fired for saying things in their blogs or other similar new media. I don't want that to be me, that's for damned sure.

But I will say that I view my job a lot differently today than I did yesterday. And yesterday I viewed my job a lot differently than I did 6 months ago. And 6 months ago I viewed my job differently than I did 2 years ago...and so forth. Such is life.

My problem stems is that I never changed. I've been operating in almost the same way I've operated since I started working this job.

Or have I? Lately I've been getting more and more negative feedback about a certain aspect of my job performance (which again, I'm not getting in to). I don't think I've changed there either, but being confronted about it has forced me to look at it objectively. And maybe I have. I mean, thinking it over, it seems like a perfect storm. Things started becoming an issue right around the time when I learned I was going to be a father.

I'm not sure what that means. I really don't. But I can't completely dismiss that as coincidental, even if it might be. Am I tensing up more because of an increased sense of responsibility in general? Could be.

I've said it before. I love what I do. I never would have expected to be in this field, but I love what I do. But maybe I care too much...and that's part of the problem. Maybe I should care about myself more, though in a lot of ways my caring about the job as a whole is a reflection of that. What I mean, though, is that I should stand back and be more objective rather than subjective. Accept the fact that I can't really change what goes on. Adapt. Roll with the punches instead of my natural personality instincts that make me want to stand toe to toe with adversity.

I have a long road in front of me. One full of eager anticipation and of apprehensive uncertainty.

But my vacation has helped put a few things in perspective. I am who I am. My job is what it is. The situations are what they are. There's middle ground in there. I simply must take the time to find it...and myself in the process.

Hey, Do You Play Drums?

Live in the Baltimore Metro area? We sure could use a drummer.

I wish I were kidding.

So, I Got The Creative Bug Friday...

And I asked my glowing wife if she wanted to do some impromptu portrait shots. To her credit, she agreed. I took what I thought were the best, and have set up this Flickr slideshow for your viewing pleasure:

Portraits of Jessie.

I'm kinda partial to when she spontaneously starting laughing at either something I said or did.

Photo Hunt: Cloud(s)

Ah, clouds. I likey the clouds. Here's a shot from an impending torrential thunderstorm before an Orioles game last August:

Then there's this shot, taken out of car window while running an errand.

And the coup de grace, a shot from an airplane window while en route to Vegas.

PhotoHunt