Raise Your Hands Like You Just Don't Care

Raise Your Hands Like You Just Don't Care
Originally uploaded by bartraeke
And here it is, your Halloween moment of Zen.

Humpday Haiku: The First of Many, Probably

My kid peed today

not really news you'd say? Wrong.

she peed right on me.

Don't ever let anyone say that you have to worry about that problem only with boys. It happens with girls too, when you're holding them and they have leaky diapers.

Weighing In: This, Too, Surprises Me:

No gain or loss, back to the line of scrimmage. Like a running back who hits a solid wall of defenders.

This surprises me only because, while the food people get/make and bring for you is good, it's also the stuff I've stayed away from in large doses. And they've got them to us in large doses. Awesome food, but not really conducive to a diet. Several days worth of Boston Market...a huge pan of lasagna...etc. Not to mention the brownies that my mother in law made early last week, and then the new pan I made last night. It's a wonder I didn't gain 2 or 3 pounds, and I'm honestly curious as to how I managed it. I guess eating really light breakfasts and chugging the water really helps. I doubt I was burning tons of calories bouncing the baby. Or building my DIY light tent/soft box, or bidding on a flashgun (which I won, yay, I can experiment with bouncing and off camera flash for pictures with Erin!), or the other "activities" I did this week.

Starting weight (8/12/08): 221.4

Weight today (10/27/08): 186.2

Last week: 189.4

Difference from last weigh in: 0 lbs

Overall difference: 35.2 lbs


And now, some more baby eye candy. She drools like daddy!

Flashback Friday: Remember The Not Too Distant Past...

When my daughter was born? Hey, it happened in the past, it COUNTS!

Okay, that's about enough of baby week. From now on, it'll be business as usual, which means of course I'll do whatever I please...put at least now you'll only get updates here and there on Erin.

She's a Real American...

She fights for the rights of every man...

Uncanny, isn't it?

But seriously, she's already picked up this little idiosyncrasy...holding on to her ear.

Good god how can you people stand it? The adorable levels must be driving you insane. My demon spawn will rule the world, I say! Through the power of death by cuteness!

Humpday Haiku: This Week It's All About The Kid

Burrito Erin

all swaddled up nice and tight

not for consumption

She gets that pissed off look from her Daddy.

I Already Have a Funny Story

Cutest Thing Ever
Originally uploaded by bartraeke

So Jessie and I are talking about the transition from merconium (sp?) to regular poopies, and she mentions she was told that breast fed babies don't have stinky poos. I told her that all poop has some smell, it's only that the poop isn't as "HOLY CRAP THAT'S AWFUL" as solid food poop. But then I realized it was only a representation of a proud mother:

She already thinks her daughters shit don't stink. Heh.

A Glimpse:

Cheryl's Camera 019
Originally uploaded by bartraeke

Of me actually being all dad like.

What I'm sitting on is what acted as my bed the night before. Funny thing was, I had told Jessie that I have the ability to jump from asleep to awake really fast, but she had never seen it. In fact, since I'm always a very reluctant waker, she didn't think it was possible. Trust me when I say that in my half asleep state hearing that Jessie had progressed to 9.5 cm overnight, I was up in an instant. :)

Weighing In: Sometimes I Surprise Even Myself

I was totally expecting to gain, or to hold steady, with all the hospital cafeteria food I've eaten the past few days. Lo and behold...another nice drop. You'd have thought I had had the kid! (Kidding honey, kidding).

Starting weight (8/12/08): 221.4

Weight today (10/20/08): 186.2

Last week: 189.4

Difference from last weigh in: -3.2 lbs

Overall difference: 35.2 lbs

And now for some baby eye candy.

World...

Meet Erin. Erin, meet the world. You guys get along okay now.

Born today, the 18th, at 12:26 pm. 7 lbs, 7 oz. The Queen is doing well. Your host is very giddy.

The Heiress has arrived. Now, the hard part begins. ;)

Trivia That May Only Interest Me

The Gibson SG. A fairly iconic guitar in it's own right, though lesser known to the general public than its big brother, the Gibson Les Paul.

But did you know that the SG is actually a Les Paul? Well, not anymore, but originally, the SG was released as the new model of Les Paul in 1961, after guitarists asked for a double cutaway design for easier access to to higher frets, and because Les Paul sales were down and they wanted to compete better with the Fender Stratocaster. Les Paul, the guitarist, didn't particularly care for the new design however, and asked that his name be removed. So, Gibson obliged, and called the newer model the SG (though in a side bit of trivia, because Les Paul nameplates were so abundant in the storerooms, SG's continued to have Les Paul on them for a couple more years). SG stands for Solid Guitar, for those curious about that, as well.

Angus Young of AC/DC, noted SG user.

Tony Iommi of Black Sabbath (and his own merits, of course), another notable SG player.

In more guitar related trivia, the Gibson Explorer was released back in the 50s. It flopped horribly (and was also briefly known as the Futura before being changed to the Explorer). In the 70s other companies started paying homage to the Explorer, and the style saw a renaissance, especially with hard rock and heavy metal groups eating the design up, and Gibson started making them again. Those original Explorers are true collectors items, though, going for hundreds of thousand dollars. Well, less than a hundred were made (actually estimated at less than 50), that'll happen, right?

Humpday Haiku: Right of Way

I have right of way

that means you don't wave me out

learn to drive dumbass.

It's the Final Countdown...

We're leaving together...but still it's farewell...

Don't ask how and why I know the words to The Final Countdown, simply remember that I retain the stupidest info.

Anyway, for those of you astute enough to be paying attention to that little clock on the left, we're less than a week away from the due date. And while that term is on my brain, I'm officially declaring, as a semenatical bastard, that three pregnancy terms be changed. Due date, morning sickness, labor. Due date my ass. Guess date. Morning sickness? Whatever, it comes whenever. Call it pregnancy sickness. And labor? I know I'm Mr. "they're only words" but why give childbirth a name that everyone knows and associates with work? Our childbirth classes calls it birthing time, and I like that. Motion passes.

And by the way, not nearly enough of you used that damn donate button. Thanks bunches! :D

Anyway, we inch forward. Things haven't progressed here in the late stages exactly how we wanted, unfortunately. A little mild hypertension may put a monkey in our wrench (don't correct me, I like saying it like that). Blood work was all good, so I'm inclined to believe the higher than normal blood pressure is from the fact that Jessie is smaller than the average bear, and she's in that last stage where she's swelling up a bit in other places besides the tummy (hehe, tummy). But, even midwives are cautious when it comes to high blood pressure. So, we may have to make adjustments to the birth plan. Unfortunately again, we have no idea how yet, and probably wont, especially if it stays mild and the blood work keeps coming back good before birthing time. I know they'll be watching that BP like a hawk when she starts, though. My wife is also not a big fan of bedrest, which she's been on since Friday when the hypertension was first noted.

As a complete aside, I've been getting an inordinate amount of spam in my email spambox. I used to get about 5 a day. Now I'm up to like 90, and that's with me periodically cleaning it out, if only to make sure something doesn't get shuffled incorrectly to the spam. Plus, spam is making to my inbox, which hasn't happened in a loooooooong time. I've had to hit the "report spam" button a dozen times this week. The only thing I did lately was register my new camera with Sony, so if those bastards sold off my email address...grr.

Weighing In: Nothing To See Here...

Seriously. No gain, no loss. Nothing to see here. Oh well, it was a weird week, so I should be glad that I didn't gain.

Towson University Homecoming 08: A Journey in Photos

So, I took a reduced role today, and it allowed me to snap some shots. Follow a behind the scenes look at Homecoming Game Day.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/bartraeke/sets/72157607949700687/

Flashback Friday: Let's Go WAY Back:

Okay so I think I may be breaking an unspoken personal rule by going past my own birthdate, but eff it. I do what I want. Plus, like, 5 people read me right now.

Today, let's bask in the glow of Leonard Nimoy really letting us know how he feels about Bilbo Baggins.

Hmmm...

Anyone even reading anymore? :) Sound off, people.

An Interview with Elmo and Ninja:

First off, good evening to you, Mr. Elmo and Ms. Ninja.

Elmo: There better be food this time, man.

Ninja: I hope this won't take long, I have...stuff...to do. Yeah. Stuff.

Me: No worries, it'll be pretty brief. First off, I'd like to ask the two of you who you're supporting in this years United States Presidential Election.

Elmo: zzzzzzzzzz

Me: Elmo, wake up, I asked you a question.

Elmo: Oh, what, the president thing? Uh, I dunno. Who would take me for a walk more?

Me: Probably Obama. Though McCain might have Palin walk you.

Elmo: Then I don't care. That one.

Me: It's funny you should put it like that...

Elmo: zzzzzzzz

Me: Alrighty then. Ninja?

Ninja: Look buddy, I don't know who put you up to this, but I'm a Nermal supporter all the way.

Me: Nermal? The kitten from Garfield?

Ninja: You better believe it. That girl would be this nation's best hope...

Me: Uh, Ninj...Nermal's a dude.

Ninja: Get out.

Me: No, really. Nermal is a boy kitten.

Ninja: But...girl voice?

Me: Yeah, I know.

Ninja: Way to crush my dreams, human.

Me: It's what I do. Okay, next question. How do each of you feel about the impending arrival of Erin?

Elmo: Nrnrnrnrnrnrrrrr

Me: Elmo, would you stop chewing on your foot for a minute to answer the question?

Elmo: But it iiiiiiiiiiiiitches!

Me: Come on, you little freakshow.

Elmo: FINE! ...what?

Me: ERIN!

Elmo: Oh, right...that's the thing in mommy's belly, right? Why you keep yelling at me to get down all the time?

Me: Yeah.

Elmo: Why does the stupid cat get to get up there?

Me: She doesn't weigh close to twenty pounds.

Elmo: Are you calling me fat? Hey, where's the food?

Me: This baby does effect you, you know. We're co-sleeping.

Elmo: We do that now.

Me: WITH THE BABY!

Elmo:...where will I sleep?

Me: You can stay on the bed, you just can't sleep up top because that's where the baby's cosleeper bed will be.

Elmo: This kid better take me for walks.

Me: Not for a few years, buddy.

Elmo: I got gypped in this deal...

Me: How about you Ninja? ...Ninja? Okay, damnit, where did you go?

Ninja: I'm up here, I told you I had stuff to do.

Me: Your stuff involves getting on top of the laundry sorter.

Ninja: A cat has to have her priorities.

Me: So, about Erin...

Ninja: What do I care, I'm still getting fed and having my litter box changed, right?

Me: Yeah...

Ninja: Then have 10 of those things, see if I care.

Me: You're a credit to your species.

Ninja: I know. Oh look, something over there is moving. Gotta pounce!

Me: I think we've lost Ninja. What do you think Elmo?

Elmo: Mommy, make Daddy stop asking questions and being all mean and stuff!

Me: Great, well, folks, looks like we lost our interviewees already. Sorry they weren't more forthcoming, but what can I say...it's a dog and a cat. This has been your host, Bart, saying Good Night, Good Morning and Good Day.

Humpday Haiku: An Anti-Haiku Haiku

I don't feel like this

Yet here is a haiku

Old habits die hard.

My Mother's Eulogy:

I've set this to post at 1:30 EST. This should be right around the time that I'm actually giving this eulogy at my mother's service, or have completed it. But I wanted to share with it more than only the people in the room today:


A little over two years ago, I had very little difficulty speaking off the cuff and without a net about my father. Today, I know I’ll have to use the medium in which I find myself most comfortable expressing myself, or I’ll be unable to get much, if anything, out. In fact, I started writing this Sunday morning, knowing I would need it.

Maybe this was because with Dad, I was silently mentally preparing for years, and with Mom, it came as a great and sudden shock, as I know it was for all of us. I had completely expected Mom to have many more years, despite her MS.

Maybe this was also because my father and I had a much different relationship than my mother and I had. A much simpler, easier to define relationship. Mom and I had much more difficult to define relationship, beyond “mother/son.” In fact, one of the things people tend to ask me, when they first meet me, is “how can you talk to your mother like that?” They always seemed to assume that because I would occasionally yell at Mom, that yelling meant I didn’t love her. Well, they were wrong. Because I do. I’m not sure she knows how much because of our unique relationship, but she probably did. When it came to love, she is, was, and will always be much wiser than me.

One of the best books I ever read was the Pulitzer Prize winning biography “Growing Up” by Russell Baker. If you’ve never read it, I highly recommend it. If I could write a book like that about my childhood, I would, but unfortunately, where my mother lacked in short term, I seem to lack in long term memory. I can remember vague things, but the details tend to elude me. The one person I could turn to, to help fill in the gaps, or to get me on the right track simply because she was slightly wrong, but right enough to get those memories unlocked in my own brain, is now no longer here. But, I’ll try to do my best.

I entered my mother’s life a little shy of 31 years ago. Setting a trend, I gave her trouble that day as I tried to enter this world literally ass backwards. I have always said that I started my philosophy of mooning the world early, she would always admonish me for that sentiment. But no matter how much trouble I gave her, she always supported me. When I decided, somewhere around 6 years old, that, for reasons I can not recall and I don’t think I ever expressed back then, that I didn’t want to go to church anymore, she supported me, even though I’m sure that was a great disappointment to her. She drove me to countless baseball practices and games. She encouraged my interest in playing a musical instrument. When I came home in grade school and thought for sure I knew where babies came from because Davey Powell told me, she patiently listened to what I thought, and firmly let me know I was wrong. For the record, I was close, but also very very far off at the same time. I don’t think I ever trusted Davey Powell again.

As I grew older, and her MS progressed and she starting losing more and more mobility, she helped teach me the small, yet important stuff. Like cooking. I continued to be surprised by how many people, especially men, my age are not only unable to cook, they are uncomfortable with even trying. My mother made sure that was not that case with me, and whether it was recognizance on her part or simply necessity, the end result remains the same. I may have gotten my tendency to want to improvise while cooking from my father, but I learned how to cook from my mother, so we’d have dinner on the table when Dad came home from work. As a surly teenager, she always took my stock answer of “fine,” to the question “how was your day?” in stride. When I would tell her that if she wanted my name to be “VanKenBart,” the cycle she would normally run through in the morning when trying to wake me up, she should have named me that, she wouldn’t be too offended. It might surprise some of you to learn that, primarily, my mother taught me how to drive. Conversely, though, it was me who told her, in no uncertain terms, one day that she was never to drive again…luckily this was the day she drove the two of us to get her passenger seat converted in to one that swiveled out so she could get in to it.

When I dropped out of college, she was obviously disappointed, but as was her way, she rolled with it. But I could tell that when I got back on track with my education she was proud, and the expression on her, and Dad’s, face, when I got my bachelor’s degree was worth every hour of class and every annoying test.

My mother and I did argue a lot, though. I couldn’t deny this even if I were inclined to try…too many people saw it first hand. I’m both ashamed and unashamed of these arguments, and it’s hard to figure out why. They mainly stemmed from our personalities plus her MS clashing. She had horrible short term memory and was stubborn. I have little patience for repeating myself and am also stubborn. I also wasn’t very forthcoming about myself, so on many occasions we’d have our unique problem of her thinking things about me that were completely different. She would either have pictured something as her ideal for me, or simply remembered something about me from when I was younger. For instance, a few Christmases ago, before we were married, Jessie wanted to help Mom shop for me by going to the house and helping her shop online. When she did, she also mentioned that I was in need of underwear, and told her the kind I wear: boxer briefs. Jessie asked if Mom wanted her to write that down for her, but she said no, that she knew her son. Well, come Christmas day, I open a package with underwear: tighty whities. I had worn those when I was younger, but had changed styles when I went to college. But I never told her that, and I wasn’t walking around the house in my underwear (like father like son) anymore, so she didn’t know, and to her, I wore regular briefs underwear, not that boxer brief stuff. So it’s no wonder we’d argue, so why should I feel ashamed? I think it’s because of what I spoke of earlier…it made people think I didn’t love my mother. I would have to tell people occasionally: “sometimes I really don’t like my mother, but I love her.” And I think when people got to know us better they understood our weird relationship. I would do anything, and on some occasions, DID anything, for my mother. Like right now, pouring my heart out in her honor. Ask anyone, especially my wonderful wife, I’m not someone who talks about his feelings. But for Mom, today, I am, even if I had to prepare them ahead of time, though I’m crying right now as I type, and I’ll probably be crying as I speak. She deserves that for all the trouble I gave her.

My mother was an eternally optimistic woman, which went well with her stubbornness. Besides the normal time a son should hear his mother say “no,” I rarely heard it out of her. She would continue to try and do things, well beyond the point in time where she really should have stopped (like driving). She was warm and loving, and made friends very easily. And I know she cherished every one of those friendships dearly by how she spoke of them. I wish I could make friends the way Mom could make friends. If that skill was a job, Mom would have risen fast and become CEO very quickly.

I want everyone, her family and cherished friends to know, that she wasn’t alone in the end. She had me there, she had her blood sister Sherry there, and she had her life-sister Mary-Ann there. My only regret is that she never got the chance to meet her granddaughter. But believe me, I will let little Erin know who her Mom-Mom was whenever I can. Simply because a person is gone doesn’t mean they aren’t a part of your life. Mom just taught me my first lesson as a parent. Thank you Mom. I love you.

I’m not a religious man as I mentioned before. But I know that right now, Mom is with Dad again. She’s with Dad, she’s with her parents, she’s with her life-brother Evan, and with so many others as well. And when we’re done here today, she’ll smile. Then she’ll hold Dad’s hand. She’ll smile at him, at Grandmother and Grandfather (or Mom-mom and Gramps), and at Evan, and everyone else she’s with, and she will say “let’s go for a walk.” And she’ll stand up, and walk with them, wherever, simply because she can.

Weighing In: Always Look On The Bright Side of Life

I say that because even though I'm obviously in mourning, I made my secondary goal of 190 before Erin arrives. I'm not going to make another one before she arrives, however, I am now making a goal of 175 by the New Year. Once again, if I somehow obliterate that like I did with 200/Erin, I'll amend it to something else.

Starting weight (8/12/08): 221.4

Weight today (10/6/08): 189.4

Last week: 193.8

Difference from last weigh in: -4.4 lbs

Overall difference: 32 lbs

For Those Interested:

For anyone that is interested, here are my mothers arrangements.

Everything will take place at Singletons Funeral Home in Glen Burnie
1 2nd Ave, Glen Burnie, 21061.

The viewings are tomorrow (Monday) from 3-5 and 7-9. The service is on Tuesday at 1pm.

We strongly ask that in lieu of flowers donations are made to the National Multiple Sclerosis Society.

Also, this home provides online guest book stuff, and it also has their tribute video they make up which is chock full of pictures. I don't know when it'll become active (I think sometime tonight or tomorrow morning) but you can access it from www.singletonfuneralhome.com when it does go up. There's a list of "current visitations" on the left. Her last name is the same as mine, and well, that should be easy to figure out, just look up.

Thanks everyone for your kind words.

When It Rains...

Mom passed away earlier tonight.

Infections spread through her very quickly, and septic shock set in.

So, I may not be around much.