Humpday Haiku: Right of Way

I have right of way

that means you don't wave me out

learn to drive dumbass.

Sigh

I have so many things to say right now.

The problem is, I can't say them. At least not here. Big Brother is always watching, you know.

This is a very frustrating conundrum. Unrectifiable, nonnegotiable, and frankly, pretty much unfair. Well, they never said the world was fair.

Live and let die.

Tuesday Tech Support:

Hey, I haven't done one of these in awhile. Again, something I wish I was making up. Alas...I am not.

Surgery - Part Three

Well, the nursing home (hole) effed up, and now she's not having the damn surgery. They just didn't do the pre-op stuff she was supposed to have last night.

I am so pissed right now.

I Struggle To Even Title This Entry

As most of my regular readers know, I'm hardly ever fully serious. I generally like to sprinkle at least a little dry wit in to every piece of writing I submit here. It's simply my style, and partially my personality.

Allow me to be completely serious this morning. No images. No snarky comments. Business.

I preface this by saying it doesn't matter what my personal viewpoint on the underlying debate is, and I don't particularly care what your viewpoint is either. The underlying debate is merely a catalyst for the complete and utter bullshit I've witnessed entirely too long now.

For a couple of years now, I've seen a bunch of assholes standing on the side of the road. Based upon a quick internet search, I'm going to say it's the Pro-Life Action League (and because of my outrage I'm not going to link to them, they don't deserve it. I struggled to actually name them, but if you are as outraged as me, it'd be nice to know where to send the hate mail). Apparently, in their particular lexicon, "action" is a synonym for "let's be completely morally reprehensible." Like I said...I am not here this morning to speak about the underlying debate of pro-live vs. pro-choice. But the tactics these people are using make my blood boil. I truly hope you haven't seen these people on the side of the road. I doubly hope that those of you with small children haven't seen these people on the side of the road.

Why?

Because they engage in shock and awe tactics, the original variety before that phrase was recently co-opted. They stand with large signs showing graphic and disturbing pictures of aborted babies to shock anybody who sees them.

I get it. Like I said, it's a shock and awe tactic designed to get people to, very heavily, think twice about getting an abortion. That's their agenda (to get people to think twice about abortions), and their basic agenda is not the debate here.

But it is morally reprehensible (I can't use that phrase enough about this) to stand on the side of a public road with large signage with disturbing imagery in order to carry out their agenda. They can not control who sees this, and that's part of the point...they know what they're doing, and to even think that it's an overall good idea makes them bereft of good judgment, common sense and a sense of decency.

The first time I saw this, a couple years ago, my first thought was "That's sick...children could see that and be scarred for life!" I voiced my indignation to others, but let it go. I've seen them since. It's usually around this time every year (which means that not only do they do this very much on purpose with full knowledge, they plan it, and based off what I briefly saw on the Pro-Life Action Leagues site they actually tour this crap). But yesterday, Jessie, my pregnant wife, saw these people for the first time in a different location. It disturbed her, an adult, so much, that she couldn't stop crying.

Pardon my french, but what the fuck do you think it'd do to a small child if it causes this reaction in a grown woman?

I told her that I've seen these people before, and said basically some of the same things I've said already about how I feel about the practice. Especially since I've seen clergy involved, which made me want to stop my car and tell them they should know better. You can't stand on the side of the street holding pictures of two people screwing to protest porn, or of people shot in the face to protest lack of gun control...and this is no different in my book.

So I shouldn't have been surprised when I saw them along the same stretch of road I see them around this time every year on the way to work. Today, though, I had to fight the urge to lean on my car horn, and drift towards the shoulder to make them scatter, hopefully getting them to drop their signage so I could run them over and ruin them.

Now look, don't get me wrong, I do not oppose their right to express their points of view. I simply call in to deep question their methodology. It's, for lack of a better term, complete and utter bullshit, for them to be allowed to stand on road sides with graphically disturbing imagery that anybody can and will see, including small children who could forever have their psyches damaged by seeing these images. It's irresponsible, and they have to know that, which makes it even more bullshit. Especially because I'm willing to bet the vast majority of these people think they're doing nothing wrong.

Handing out pamphlets with these images is one thing. You can control who you hand them to, you can have a warning on the cover about the graphic imagery. But to wave around very large signage? You're an asshole. Simple as that. You. Are. An. Asshole.

If any of you engage in this activity, I strongly recommend you do not tell me you do. Because I have no qualms about my own moral reprehensibility: I will punch you in the face for participating in these activities. Because I'm also pro-life in the sense that I'm very protective of my wife and I'm going to be even more protective of Erin...and if she ever is disturbed, even for a second, by seeing any of your vile bullshit tactics...you will wish I was never born. And wouldn't that be deliciously ironic in its own way?

I'm sorry, I guess with that last line I did insert some of my dry wit. However, the presence of the wit was not an indication that I am, or was, even remotely joking about this. If my daughter is affected by your tactics it...will...be...on.

Get off the streets, assholes. Learn to protest in a decent and humane manner. If you have such an esteem for life, try and remember that while you believe life starts at conception, that still means that life continues until death, and you're dealing with real live human beings out there.

Scarring untold numerous children for their lives...is it really worth getting your message across to maybe a couple hundred people a cycle? I'm willing to bet you think it is, which is why you are a bunch of morally rephresnsible assholes who are a discredit to their own cause.

Put the signs away. Talk to people, use civil discourse. Get off the damn streets.

This is one step above the idiots who bomb abortion clinics. Showing an appreciation for life means showing an appreciation for all life. You'd think these people only care about life from conception to birth by how they carry themselves.

I now step off my soapbox. I really hope you agree with me. Because to disagree with me means you think they're doing nothing wrong...and that means I have a major problem with how you think. And right now, I'm so upset that I don't care how that might effect any number of friendships and acquaintances this post might change.

Edit: Jessie sent me this link which shows how our own government condones this activity, which makes me even more upset.

Another edit: Smarmoofus mentioned something about not being near clinics and therefore lucky enough to not have to subjected to this. This reminds me of another reason to loathe and detest this practice...They aren't doing it around clinics. They purposefully choose high traffic areas for maximum exposure. The places I've seen them around here, and heard of them being around here, are not around clinics, but they are definitely in high traffic areas. Not that doing it around the clinics makes it any better, but purposefully placing themselves in high traffic zones sure makes it worse.

Get off my TV, Rachael Ray

So, can't stand her. Her being Rachael Ray. Wasn't really fond of her before her over exposure, but now that she's everywhere (and Bart means EVERYWHERE!) I really want her to have some sort of horrible scandal where we find out she sacrifices babies for her fame and fortune or something.

No one is that damn happy. I don't care what anybody says. She's on uppers or something. It's Kelly Ripa like bizarre. Like her face is permanently frozen in a Joker grin. Frown woman! Get angry!

I mean, I swear to jeebus, every time that one Dunkin Donuts commercial comes on and she says "Delish!" with this stupid wink look, I wish I had super powers to reach through my TV so I could slap the smile off her face.

I don't quite hate her as much as I do Celine Dion (the anti-Christ), but she's working on it. Hopefully in the very near future, her and Dr. Phil can become afterthoughts in the Oprah generation juggernaut.

I remember a few years back, when I barely knew who she was, but was already annoyed with her, they had these Ritz crackers adverts in the grocery store, and someone had drawn a fake mustache on it. That cracked me up. Still does when I think back on it. I'm smiling as a recollect that glorious defamation.

Oh, I'm supposed to mention that even though she's heinous and so damn chipper I want to hurt her, at least she isn't waif thin and is a "real woman." So, there's like, one positive to about a trillion negative.

People Should Really Think About What This Says...

So, in January, the Maryland State Police are having their annual Polar Bear Plunge. Charity event, with the proceeds going towards The Special Olympics. I can get on board with this. In case you don't know what the Plunge is, you basically get people to pledge you, then you hop in to sub zero waters (here, the Chesapeake Bay) and prove you're slightly crazy. Which is kinda the essence of a lot of charity drive events. Though in the case of walk a thons, walking is something we're supposed to do. I don't think humans were meant to jump half clothed in to freezing water for kicks. But it's relatively harmless, and it's for a good cause.

But that's not what I went "hunnnwha?" at recently. I was not aware that there's a higher level that raises the most money. The Super Plunge. That's where you jump in the water in a Superman outfit. Bah, I wish. That wouldn't be bat shit insane. Well, what is bat shit insane?

Every hour on the hour, for 24 hours, doing the plunge.

Bat. Shit. Insane.

If it were 12 hours, it'd still be crazy, but not quite bat shit insane. 24 straight hours. No real sleep, and subjugating yourself to freezing temperatures every hour on the hour. Let's possibly get reaaaaaaally sick for charity! How about we just let ourselves be injected with debilitating diseases, pledge your money per disease? Or how about we start jumping in to lions dens, for every second you survive, a charity gets a dollar?

But however bat shit insane I feel you have to be to do that, I take more of an issue with the fact that it earns so much money. Why can't you just give that much money for the people doing the regular plunge? Why'd they have to create this completely bat shit insane stunt to get the good numbers?

www.plungemd.com

What exactly the hell is wrong with us?

This Week In Lunacy.

So, in the recent past, say the last year or so, a revolutionary invention was thrust upon us adoring masses. What was this paragon of innovation you ask? What possible gadget or gizmo could have caught my discerning eye?

The Go-Tart.

That's right. The Go-Tart.

Somehow, I never realized exactly how unportable the Pop Tart really was. It's chunky and rectangular. You need to hold it between fingers. No longer with the incredibly versatile Go-Tart. Now, boys and girls, it's thinner, and rounder! You can close your fist around it! Now, you never have to miss your bus and be late for school, because instead of being forced to sit down at the table, and eat that Pop Tart on a plate with a fork and knife, you can snatch it up in your hands and GO GO GO.

I can't believe anybody really thought there was a problem in the portability of the Pop Tart. I mean, for crying out loud, the whole selling point years ago was that it was something you could heat up if you wanted, and still take with you on the go. Every time I see a Go-Tart commercial, I wince a bit at the stupidity of us all.

That's Freakin' It!

Was going to do a Rhyme and Treason tonight, but circumstances led me to having to put out an ultimatum instead. Plus, I thought of a better way of doing R&T which I'll discuss as soon as I get something off the ol' chest.

Asshole drivers...you are officially on notice.

I am sick and damn tired of d-bags waiting to the last possible minute to merge over. For whatever reason you have to. Lane legitimately ending, construction, accident bypassing, whatever. The second you see you should get over, GET...THE...HELL...OVER. Your asshole move of not merging only creates a bottleneck.

You are on notice. Because I'm no longer going to sit there and let you do this. From now on, I'm going to straddle the middle line. That's right. I'm going to block your dumb ass from getting by. See, I figure, I might be an asshole to you, but this is better than you being an asshole to EVERY SINGLE PERSON YOU PASS, and every person that has to wait that much longer because you wouldn't merge early, saving yourself a couple minutes tops.

I will block you. Try and stop me. Because you'll probably end up rear ending me, and I don't care if I'm straddling that middle lane, you're still gonna be liable. That'd be the icing on the cake.

Look, it's not rocket science. Get over when you know you have to. But I'm not going to sit there, in the correct lane like a good little boy, and watch you be a prick to every person in the correct lane anymore. I'm blocking the dillholes. I urge all of my readers to do the same.

As for Rhyme and Treason, I'm bringing it back Monday. Instead of immediately putting up the responses, I'm going to leave it open for most of the "work" week. Responses should be in by Thursday night. Then, on Friday, I'll post the responses, including the one I feel was the best, which in a sense will be the "winner." Judged solely by me, because I believe in a ruling class, especially since I rule. So, all of you have been clamoring for Rhyme and Treason, check this space on Monday. Which is like, late Tuesday in Australia. Stupid time zones. Stupid sun revolving around the earth and reaching places sooner than others. Stupid astrophysics!!