Drove the Chevy to the levy...

So, Jessie implored me to write something, because she was sick of seeing how Rob Zombie was about to rape my childhood. Which, incidentally, based on all the reviews I've seen, he did. Anyway, here's what I got.

I'm sorry I've been remiss in my writing lately. I'd like to tell you that it's because it's the beginning of the school year and work is hectic. Which it is, but that's not the reason.

I'm simply tapped.

I sat here for a good half hour, surfing the net, trying to find something to steal...er, I mean, inspiration, and I got nothing. All I have to write about is the fact that right now I have nothing I want to write about. When you doubt your strengths you give strength to your doubts. Thanks Mystery Men.

I think that's half the reason I started doing all those interviews. Without them, I'd have a whole lotta nothing. I need to find some inspirado, and quick.

Rob Zombie is about to rape my childhood...

All during the past year, during the "prehype" for the Transformers movie, I kept hearing the same thing. "Michael Bay is going to rape my childhood." I first saw this in reference to the re-release of the Star Wars Trilogy, when people claimed that George Lucas' changes raped their childhood. I always sort of chuckled when hearing this. But now, obviously, I've used it.

And I believe it.

When I first heard that Halloween would be "remade," I was cautiously optimistic. Especially since Rob Zombie was involved. Schlock horror seems to be his way, based off House of 1000 Corpses, and The Devils Rejects. But when I heard Malcolm McDowell was cast as Dr. Sam Loomis, I got very optimistic. That's awesome casting.

Then the caca hit the revolving cooling device.

Script treatments were released. These have been subsequently validated and confirmed. Rob Zombie screwed the pooch. His "re-imagining" of the concept behind Halloween fundamentally changes, and essentially makes his film a crap copy, not unlike several dozen slasher flicks from the 80s.

Let me break it down. Rob Zombie has given Michael Myers reason. He gives him a tortured childhood. A back story. A reason to be pyscho-sociopathic. He hurts people because he wants others to feel his pain. Hell, HE TALKS.

This is wrong. Period. Michael Myers has no reason. In fact, let me quote the original film.

Dr. Loomis: I met him fifteen years ago. I was told there was nothing left. No reason, no conscience, no understanding; even the most rudimentary sense of life or death, good or evil, right or wrong. I met this six-year-old child, with this blank, pale, emotionless face and, the blackest eyes... the devil's eyes.

I spent eight years trying to reach him, and then another seven trying to keep him locked up because I realized what was living behind that boy's eyes was purely and simply...evil.

Michael Myers is indicative of higher evil. In the original movie he's not even credited as Michael Myers. He's "the Shape." I highly doubt John Carpenter made that decision on a whim. The ending of the movie is also a sign. After they look down to where he fell, there are numerous shots of places Myers has been...he's everywhere, and nowhere. The boogeyman.

The final straw was a new TV commercial I saw today, where Loomis is right in front of Myers and says "I failed you, Michael." One, this is lifted pretty much directly from Revenge of the Sith. Secondly...Loomis would NEVER have said this. Loomis never felt he failed Michael Myers. He felt he failed humanity by allowing Myers to rampage! When he is introduced in the original, he's fetching Michael for his adult hearing, getting ready to dope him up with enough thorazine so that he could barely stand ("that's the point," he tells the nurse), and get him locked up forever. When he escapes, he becomes the white whale, and Loomis doesn't track him down to reason with him, he tracks him down to kill him. Why? BECAUSE THERE'S NO REASONING WITH HIM.

Ugh. Halloween is one of my favorite films of all time. It was made with very little money, it helped create a genre (unfortunately populated by many many inferior movies), and if you actually watch it with unfettered eyes (meaning watching it thinking this was the late 70s and the 80s hadn't beaten the slasher picture to death, no pun intended) you can see not only how good the movie is, but how influential it actually was.

I am vehemently boycotting this movie. I may eventually watch it when it hits cable, just to see how bad he screwed it up, but I won't actively pay money for it. In fact, I told Jessie I'm thinking about getting the original on DVD finally (I have it on VHS and I have a thing about getting duplicate copies of things...personal stupid quirk) and watching it Friday as my way of protesting.

How Was Your Trip?

See you in the fall, as the old joke goes.

Had an okay time. Bit disappointing really. Could have been high expectations, or it could have been an actual drop off from last years trip, I dunno for sure. I had some fun with my new tripod, enjoyed the company of course, but other than that I'm enjoying this time off at home more. Go figure, right?

Did see a dead body though. Day we got there, heading out to the resort, there was a traffic jam between Montego Bay and Sandy Bay. We get through to see a head on collision and a dead body on the side of the road. Kinda freaky, really. Maybe that set the tone for the whole trip.

Here are some more pictures.

And since some people have mentioned that I've gotten away with never showing myself:
Not bad for what is pretty much a self portrait. I heart my new tripod. Thanks honey!

Back...

But tired. More later. For now, these pictures.

Vacation, all I ever wanted...

The Go-Go's for the win!

I'm off for a week, folks. No tears, I'll be back. Headin' down to Jamaica to vacate...how do you conjugate vacation, anyway? Neither here nor there, to vacation and celebrate anniversary number one. Take care of you and yours while I'm gone, and don't do anything stupid, or else I'll find out. Then I will attack, and you don't want that.

Two song references in a quick post...damn, I'm good.

As a R&T Reward...

...I am getting to Pope Terry's questions sooner rather than later. Away we go, and as per usual my answers are italicized.

1. As a stranger who knows near to nothing about you how would you describe yourself to me, physically, emotionally and mentally?

Wow, you don't hold back, do you? Right out of the gate and you're making me work. Okay, physically: I'm of average height and build, especially now that I've lost some weight. I have dark brown hair, blue eyes, and wear a mustache and goatee, sometimes a full beard. Emotionally I'm rather reserved. Mentally, I'm mental. I'd say I'm of above average intelligence, though it has been indicated to me several times through my life that if I "applied myself" I could be more than above average. I have no interest in that, though, no real interest. Not at this stage of my life.

2. Your invited to a party at Chevy Chases house, but your told he will constantly be in his 'Fletch' persona, do you go and what dish do you take along with you?

Hell yeah, I do. That'd be hilarious. Plus, if you know he's going to be Fletch, it probably won't be as annoying. I think I'd take this awesome broccoli cheese casserole that Jessie makes. We haven't had it for awhile (aforementioned diet) but it's awesometastic.

3. You write Haikus, what is the attraction to this form of poetry, and can you make one up about anything

I like the fact that it's structured very short and precise so you have to really think about what you want to say. Make one up about anything? Sure.

Anything is vague
A term for general use
Not precise at all.

4. How is your new mazda going, you chose grey, is this a display of your personality or something more simple like the dealer only having that color?

It's going awesome. I really enjoy driving it. I haven't enjoyed driving in a long time. As for the gray, it was a matter of me not wanting white, red or yellow, and preferring blue. However the blue the model comes in is a very very light blue. Too light. So that left me either with the black or gray, and I would have been fine with either of those. I think the gray is cool though, reminds me of dark chrome.

5. You obviously enjoy baseball, why, it seems so slow and confined. What did you think of that whole Barry Bonds steriods thing, and what do you think the government should do about it.

I enjoy it exactly because it's more relaxed and slow, though I'm not sure how it's any more confined than other organized sport. I also like the fact that you can't hold on to the ball, or run a clock out, or anything like that. As Earl Weaver, Hall of Fame manager for the Orioles, said once, "You can't sit on a lead and run a few plays into the line and just kill the clock. You've got to throw the ball over the damn plate and give the other man his chance. That's why baseball is the greatest game of them all."

On Barry Bonds, I don't like him beyond the steroids/performance enhancement drugs thing, and that doesn't help. He's already tied the all time home run record as of this post, and breaking it is a foregone conclusion barring major tragedy to him. I'm pleased that I'm alive to lay witness to it but I also hope I'm witness to Alex Rodriguez crushing the record in about 8 years or so. The government should keep their noses out of it, though. I'm glad they are forcing the issue since it helps baseball clean up the game, but I don't want them actually doing anything besides forcing MLB to do it themselves. Government's got too much to worry about already.

6. Asshole drivers seem to only you, does anything else and have you ever acted on any rage enduced moments you may have had.

Not sure what you mean? Did you mistype and mean to say anger you? I get miffed at a bunch of stuff, and I have definitely acted on rage moments, though way less than in the past. I have a pretty wicked temper and I do my best to keep in check.

And that's that. Thanks for playing.

It's been awhile...

...since I asked, but do all of my active readers have links that want them? Remember, I'm more than accommodating but I do like to ask for a link in return. Hence the whole Chain Link concept.

Happy Saturday, everyone.

Rhyme and Treason results!

And here we go with the compilation of the entries and the announcement of the winner.

Last weeks winner Brian in Oxford shoots us this bon mot, though with little confidence:
"Plutocracy sure blows!"

My favorite antagonist Deborah throws down with:
"With a pie cherry still stuck up its nose."

Everyone's favorite Aussie jack-of-all-trades and blogosphere godfather David McMahon contributes with: " With a digital SLR camera, and asked me to pose."
and
"Bart wants this to rhyme, I suppose"

pope terry (I'll answer your questions in a couple days, dude) goes for the gusto with:
"and sprayed her with a hose...
cue the cheesy seventies wah wah music,
and enter a man with a big moustache,
'your all wet miss' "

Then victorya one ups him with this novella:
"that was tagged with a research receiver from National Geographic as it was one of the few remaining due to the recent blackbird pie fad. The maid, upon seeing the blackbird called for the cook who came forth and, luring the bird to him with some sesame seeds, and captured it for a future supper. The researchers noticed the constancy of the locator and sent forth an investigator. Arriving at the castle, the investigator was appalled to discover numerous violations. There was Panda stew, smoked albatross, not to mention the stuffed tigers. The King was brought to court, sued, and in lieu of jail-time paid through the nose."

Getting all scatological on our backsides is whodatdare with:
"And dropped a deuce upon her nose"

And last, but not least, is cherty werty (I just never feel like trying to spell it out, sue me) with:
"Dessert was Crow Surprose."
and
"And threatened to foreclose."
and
"That's all. I'm otiose."

This was a toughie. I really have to say. But after much deliberation I have decided to bestow this weeks award to:

POPE TERRY! The porn reference really "nailed" that home, buddy. Congrats be to you.

And congrats be to all of you participants.

While I have you here, I could use some assistance. See, Jessie and I decided to get a new kitten tonight. I know, we no nuts, we crazy. Well, I'm looking for a more esoteric name. The kitten is female. She has a tendency to want to perch on shoulders so I thought maybe a piratey name, but I'll be happy with something off the beaten path.

Also, wish us luck, because while Elmo seems to pretty much be all "oh, another cat, whatever," Annie isn't taking it as well.

Top Ten...

Oops, this was supposed to be posted yesterday, but I only saved it. My bad.

...Songs associated with movies that I'll never be able to disassociate...

10. Huey Lewis and The News - The Power of Love
Back to the Future (honorable mention, same band same movie - Back in Time)
Doesn't everybody think of Marty McFly when they here those driving keyboards?



9. Yello - Oh Yeah
Many, but mostly Ferris Bueller's Day Off.
Stylistically, this song summed up the movie pretty well, I'd say. Honorable mention also goes to the underrated Michael J Fox flick The Secret of My Success. Which is what we actually see here because YouTube is again uncooperative.





8. Beethoven - "Ode to Joy" from "Symphony No.9 in D- 'Choral', Op.125"
Die Hard.
The original teaser trailer was John McClane jumping from the roof of the Nakatomi Building as it exploded behind him, firehose tied around his waist, set to this piece. Why does such a joyous song work so well for this movie? I have no clue, but it sure as hell does. Unfortunately, YouTube doesn't seem to have that teaser trailer, and pretty much everything involving the original movie and Ode To Joy is a edited video, so here's a "rare" trailer for the third movie. (Honorable Mention from the same movie, Run DMC's Christmas in Hollis (This IS Christmas music!)




7. Mickey Mouse Club Theme/The Rolling Stones - Paint It Black
Full Metal Jacket.
One flows in to the other as the Marines marching away from the burning town singing the Mickey Mouse Club Theme, and then the Rolling Stones kicks in for the end credits. Both are perfect to me, the imagery of a children's song being sung amidst carnage and devastation, then the Stones song seems to bookmark the movie itself perfectly.




6. The Doors - The End
Apocalypse Now.
The beginning of the movie...yet we hear "This is the end..." Perfect choice and I can't help but see the broken down Sheen every time I hear this haunting song.



5. Sugerhill Gang - Rapper's Delight
The Wedding Singer
It's a shame that such a ground breaking piece will probably be best remembered this way by many people, but hey...they let a granny rap it...



4. Kenny Loggins - I'm Alright
Caddyshack
I can't help but feel good and happy, and it's because I think of that crazy ass country club. NOONAN!



3. Zero 7 - In The Waiting Line
Garden State
So many songs to choose from, but when you get right down to it, this song and this scene will always go hand and hand for me. As Large simultaneously starts to emerge from his chemical numbness AND takes ecstasy at a party, things get weird for him as everyone around him plays Spin The Bottle... "Do you believe in what you see?" indeed.



2. Queen - Bohemian Rhapsody
Wayne's World.
Not only will I not be able to disassociate it, I'll never be able to curb the desire to head bang like the gang when the song hits it's stride.



1. Stealer's Wheel - Stuck in the Middle With You
Reservoir Dogs.
Could it possibly have been anything else? I mean, the song is going to forever be associated with the ear slicing scene. Even for people that have never seen the movie.



I'll be back later tonight with Rhyme and Treason results...

Yet another Interview!

This time from Dan Mega, who funnily enough, cut and run. He gave me the questions, then bolted as far as he could. Probably scared to death of the power of my answers, I'm sure. Anyway, as usual, my answers italicized.

Bart, I would thank you for you're time. However, you should be
thanking me. I have a few questions to ask of you. Answer them
correctly or be cast off my bridge.

1)Where did you grow up and how far do you currently live from there?

I grew up in the Baltimore suburb of Glen Burnie, MD. Plenty of derogatory nicknames for it, but one of my favs is "where the ghetto meets the gunrack." I live exactly 0.0 miles from where I grew up. I inherited my parents house, and woo, free house. Casa Del Bart has pretty much always been Casa Del Bart.

2)Who is your best friend in the whole wide world, and why? Note: your
wife doesn't count. Thats just what men say to prevent getting beaten
by female fists of fury.

Well, since you arbitrarily eliminated my actual answer with rules that don't actually apply to me, I'll go with my friend Ryan. We're pretty much the same person, and that actually makes for good friendship as opposed to butting heads.

3)What was the most "popular" band that you've ever done the sound
engineering for?

That's easy. No one. The nature of the job means that I mix only smaller outfits, and usually one of my co-workers handles live sound mixing for bands. Not that I never do it, but it's not my "forte." But, if one of these bands ever does break big, I'll be sure to crow about it. I did put a lapel mic on Ray Lewis once for a video shoot.

4)Is Caddyshack the greatest movie of all time?

No, but it's definitely on the short list of best sports movies of all time.

5)What was your favorite quote from Rodney Dangerfield in Caddyshack?
Was it "hey you wanna earn $14 the hard way"?

No, but that's definitely a good one. I'd have to go with "I hear this place is restricted, Wang, so don't tell 'em you're Jewish, okay?"

6)Are you willing to accept that Brian in Oxford truly is king of all internets?

No. No offense to him or anything, but somehow I doubt he'd want such a dubious honor. Plus, if he was, I'd get so many more referral hits off his page.

7)Do you think you could defeat David McMahon in spirited game of thumb wars?

Hard call. I mean, I've got pretty strong thumbs from the years of Nintendo, but David's got years of experience. It'd be a Pay-Per-View worthy throw down, I'm sure.

8)Who is the greatest blogger of all time, besides Dan Mega?

How do you fit your head through your doorways? Or did you get those made special? Anyway, Kevin Smith is up there to me.

9)Doesn't a Chipolte Burrito with ranch sound excellent right now?

Not so much with the ranch, but Chipotle is always on the brain. ADDICTIVE CHEMICALS I TELL YOU.

10)I'm going to be away for a week. Will my minions (I mean readers) miss me?

I know I will, but be warned, with every passing day my aim improves...

Boy, I enjoy those. Anyone else want to step up? Hell, I may even pull a Dawn and get you all to ask questions via comments, load up on them and then gatling gun your backsides with them all at once.