An Open Letter To Roger Clemens:

Dear Roger.

I knew you were a headhunter, and dirty liar, but I didn't think you were an idiot. Thank you for proving me wrong.

Here's a tip for you, albeit it's a bit late, so you can't ever use it: if you're a relatively well known guy and are going to bring a lawsuit against someone claiming defamation of character...you might want to make sure your closet is so immaculately empty that the Pope could eat off its floor. Otherwise, every itty piece of dirty scrap that's in said closet will see the light of day. Kind of like it's doing right now.

I still think you're a lying sack of monkey feces about your PED use, but way to go on blowing any integrity you had left. You should have left well enough alone, and let history be your judge, as it will for everyone else who played in the now "steroid era." But you cried foul, and now look at how your name is getting dragged through the mud.

You should stop worrying about the defamation lawsuit and worry about getting a good divorce lawyer, bud.

I have to wonder what other things you might have "misremembered" about your past before trying to salvage your legacy? Because every smutty reporter is looking reaaally hard for more now.