Go Bang On Somewhere Else's Door

I got two things for you all today. In the interest of fairness, I'll go in alphabetical order. So, our first topic for discussion (and by discussion I mean my father's idea of discussion: I talk, you listen): religion.

Or more specifically, people who break George Carlin's most important revised commandment: Thy must keep thy religion to thyself.

I see religion, personally, the same way I see reality TV. Lots of people seem to enjoy it, but ultimately it's not for me. That's not to say I'm a complete barbarian. Only a small one. I think religion has a lot of great ideas. Where it goes wrong is the small percentage of people who find those teachings rather convenient. But that's not really what I want to talk about.

As I was maxin' and relaxin on my day off (I've got a double tomorrow), I was brought out of my reverie by a rap rap rappin' upon my chamber door. Alas, not a raven. As I tried to keep Elmo back, I opened the door to a nice older lady, who introduced herself. She then introduced her associate, who I had not seen up to that point. Her associate was clutching a bible to her chest. Danger, Will Robinson. Door to Door religion salesperson! She asked me my name. You'll excuse my curtness, but I gave her my Indian name of "Not Interested," and closed the door before Elmo could get to them.

(By the way, I'm sure this will be way up there on the things Deborah Gamble disagrees with me on. Of course, that's not hard, but at least we're friendly with each other!)

With the very notable exception of killing in the name of God, people who go door to door to "spread the gospel" ranks at the very top of my problems with religion. I can't abide it. And I can't even really explain my problem with it.

Possibly it has to do with that born-again nutjob that stopped my friend and me on the sidewalk when I was about 12 and wouldn't let us disengage the conversation. That kind of freaked me out. My mother thinks my problem with religion may stem from a bad experience at Sunday School when I was a wee nip. If that's the case, I've definitely repressed that memory. I do remember asking to not go to church again.

Oh well, either way, I simply wish people would stop trying to force God...or any deity...down my throat. If I'm ever to "find religion" I will do it the same way I've done pretty much everything in my life. On my own terms. I don't try to convert you to my philosophy, so I'll thank you to extend me the same courtesy.