Anybody besides me remember the movie So I Married an Axe Murderer? Mike Myers before he got super duper famous...played a couple of roles, like this guy right here, Stuart Mackenzie. Which was basically the "If it's not Scottish it's CRAP!" character from Saturday Night Live, and would eventually be the voice of Shrek. He's milked the hell out of that voice. Anyway, he has a specific rant not too far from the beginning of the movie. He's explaining his conspiracy theory of a group of ultra powerful men...one of which being Colonel Sanders of Kentucky Fried Chicken. His son (also Myers) asks "how can you hate the Colonel?" Stuarts response:"Because he puts an addictive chemical in his chicken that makes ya crave it fortnightly, smartass!"
I looked for a clip of it, but it wasn't YouTubed...not by itself, anyway.
Why do I bring this up, and what possible context do I present it as?
I present to you Exhibit A:
I swear to you guys...they put addictive chemicals in to this stuff. Don't believe me? Ask The Queen, Jessie. And her mom. Once it hits your stomach, they got ya. You'll be back...and back...and back. We're on a freakin' diet and I know I hit them up at least once a week (though I've found ways to make it a lot less of a dietary nightmare...getting it as a bol (no tortilla) is a huge step in the right direction, as is getting them to go light on the sour cream and cheese).
I'll be going along, doing well, and all of a sudden, it's like "gotta have Chipotle." And I'll try to stop myself. No, you gotta be good, man...no burrito goodness today. But they suck me right back in, every single time...IT'S LIKE SUBURBANITE CRACK! Screw Kryptonite, give Superman some Chipotle, Lex Luthor...then simply wait until his craving overwhelms him to launch your devious plan.
If anyone ever wanted to make a human mouse trap, this stuff would be my cheese. I'd go right up, see all the mechanisms, and still attempt to get at it.
We must storm the gates, my friends. March on your local franchise...but before we knock it down, we gotta stock up...make mine a chicken burrito bol, with tomato salsa, corn, and the green tomatillo...with a smidge of sour cream and cheese.
Oh great. Now the craving is back...they close in 8 minutes...and I'm 20 away...I bet I could make it if I sped and went through every light regardless of color...
Save yourselves!
Note...Chipotle doesn't do it on purpose. And it's not even the best burrito I've eaten. But man alive they are consistent, and I love the versatility.
Hi Bart-Man,
ReplyDeleteSaw a TV interview with MM once where he said the Sco''ish accent was a natural choice because his grandfather was a Scot - so he knew all the nuances.
Cheers
David
David - Oh yeah, I saw an interview where he mentioned that one time too. He sure loves to use that voice. I even forgot an instance: Fat Bastard in the Austin Powers sequels.
ReplyDeleteOh my Gosh! Bart, we agree on something! So I Married an Axe Murderer is one of the funniest movies ever made. DH uses that "crave it fortnightly" line quite regularly. I am very familiar with it. And another favorite line of DH's is something about that kids' head being so huge it has it's own solar system? Or something... I really am LOL!!!! Now I gotta go watch it. If I had any clue on how to pull that clip and put it on You Tube for you. Sorry, I'm so helpless.
ReplyDeleteThat's a good movie, indeed.
ReplyDeleteLove the Betty Rubble rant at the coffee house.
But I can't stand the fat bastard character.
Ah. I'm Scots, and he even has me fooled - love him to pieces.
ReplyDeleteWe don't have this delicacy you describe, maybe it's just as well, knowing my addictive personality.
Bart, I had to try several times to leave a comment, when I first visited your site - it's only the third blog that allows anyone in without a personal invitation. If you put this blog as the first one listed, you'd get LOADS more hits, I promise! x
Yo Bart . . . Never seen that movie but I've been addicted to so many different types of food!
ReplyDeleteI used to spen half of my weekly pay on food at work (REALLY) . . . I was that bad . . . shame on me.
What am I hooked on at the mo?
Nothing . . . but I'm in the States and I'm sure you guys will try and trap me b4 I head back home.
I've been to a few spots already.